Satan Plays the Averages

Let me ask you something. If you were The Devil. Let me hold off on the rest of the question, so you can sink into the role a bit. Okay. Let's say that you're The Devil. And some jerk is up there on the surface, loudly offering to sell his soul to you - The Devil - in exchange for certain concessions. Are you going to just hop to it, appear in a clap of thunder and brimstone and say, "at your service?"

Suppose that you know enough about this guy to feel 95% certain that he's going to end up in hell anyway. I mean, come on. Anybody that blithe about the transaction...you have to be pretty sure his soul is already in the bag, right? Pretty much? Are you going to expend your infernal energies on a done deal?

Hell no. What would be the point? You're The Devil! You're not God. You have a finite amount of power and influence - not an infinite amount. You need to put that diabolical mojo juice where it will do the most good*. If you can catch a real sainted granny in her moment of despair, where she'll do anything to save her beloved granddaughter from leukemia - well, that's a bargain you need to strike! Not so, with some jackass who just wants to be a rock star. You're going to get him anyway. Might as well let him have a miserable life into the bargain!

The Devil's not an idiot.

Comments

dogimo said…
Aw, Jesus. Do I need to enable whatever, comment moderation?

Thanks, franco.
Magna said…
I could swear I smelled sulfur.
blue said…
Not that I'd know (heh heh heh), but I think it's probably fun for the Devil to watch the people who are so desperate, so filled with desire, at the moment when they decide to make this immutable choice. Then the Devil gets to pop up and remind them of their debt forever, tease them with things getting screwed up, and generally make sure they suffer even though they got want they asked for. Then the Devil gets entertainment throughout that person's life, the last laugh, and the soul. That's why it pays off. Otherwise I'd be sitting around here in this heat all day just waiting for people to arrive, and that's no fun!
dogimo said…
You paint a very compelling picture, and your point is extremely well-taken by me. I can easily agree that that's something Ol' Scratch would like to do, if he had the luxury. But I think you underestimate the seriously insane pitch of the rivalry between The Devil and God. Arguably the rivalry is more on The Devil's side, arguably God doesn't have that same insane level of emotional investment. But the fact remains that Satan is an intense competitor, absolutely committed to winning. He has one goal and one goal only: to end up with so many more souls than God, that God has to break down and admit that The Devil had a point all along.

The Devil wants to be able to sit there at the end of the game and say, "even with all your infinite advantages, your infinite power and grace, all of your goodness and holy saints to help, I've still outscored you a thousand-to-one in the soul count!" I'm not going to say he doesn't enjoy himself along the way. That he doesn't savor the particularly sweet triumphs. But his victory depends on damnation wholesale. He doesn't have time or resources to waste - he's devoting everything he has where it counts most. The game plan is to foster conditions where the majority of souls will choose damnation voluntarily, and reserve the high-profile personal interventions for the souls that would otherwise go the other way.

Besides, any time you grant someone their hearts' desire for prominence in any artistic field, there's always the danger that they will use that prominence to bring light, love, and beauty into so many peoples' empty lives that they pull a Rembrandt and screw you out of the deal. Too risky.
dogimo said…
Okay, I ended up having to censor the hell out of that first comment, because I'm told the guy's site had a viral load of deadly spyware and such, yet I felt conflicted - Free Speech Champion that I am - and so I've included the harmless text minus any links below. Plus, he said such nice things about me! Okay:

--ORIGINAL COMMENT--
Franco said...
Good work, very nice blog. Seems you enjoy working with/ on the internet. And
if something like that even pays off well, it would be even better, woulnd't it?

I chose you because you convinced meby all the effort you put into it. That
really convinced me.
For further information please look up my site www-NOT THE ACTUAL URL.com Please get more information
on....see the video!

9/29/2006 5:18 PM
--END ORIGINAL COMMENT--

It is nice to have one's effort recognized. I don't think this Franco is a real person, but still. He must be relying on some cutting-edge Effort-Recognition Software. And clearly, my blog meets the standard.

Incidentally, somebody should check it out and see whether www.NotAnActualURL.com is already taken. Because, what a sweet domain name.
lydia said…
Hi, checking out your blog, this post caught my eye - i wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts on this!! Good stuff!!
dogimo said…
Thank you, Lydia!

I was going to add you to my "Loyal Readers" index, but as your profile is unlisted I will respect your privacy.