Me Then vs. Me Now

Today I can stand up before you and say that I'm in the best shape of my life. What's my secret? Dishonesty. I lie my ass off when I say that. Obviously, I was in the best shape of my life when I was 19. Kinda scrawny-looking to look at, in a Bruce Lee sort of way, but that scrawn was 99% muscle. I was weighing in at one hundred fifty-five and benching two-sixty-five, so. That's pretty damn atrocious in my book. Nowadays, you could probably flip that statistic around and not be too far from the mark. Oh, I'm sure I can bench more than 155, but I don't think I could lie back on a bench right now and press my own weight. I'm hovering at around 230. I don't know exactly because I really don't weigh myself too often. In fact, I never weigh myself unless I happen to be down at the loading dock for something. I love that big metal scale they have!

But I will tell you what. I'll tell you precisely what: if it came down to a knock-down drag-out brawl for bragging rights, between the two of us - Me Then versus Me Now - I think both of us know who would win that one. We just don't agree it would be the same person. Me Then would be saying to myself, "look at that lardass. He must have 50+ pounds on me - all fat! He's too old and slow to be able to lay a hand on me! I'll liquify his damn chin with my badass front snap kick before he even sees my foot leave the ground." Actually dude, it's +75 pounds - but I carry it well I'm told. DAMN well.

Whereas, Me Now would be thinking, "I won't make the mistake of underestimating the opponent, here. I know the fearsome capabilities of this individual. I'm going to put up a strong defense and turn the fight my way by using my wily veteran savvy to outthink and outmaneuver that cocky punk. Failing that, I'll fall on his scrawny ass. He might be able to bench 265, but not when it's trying to choke him!"

Actually, it would be an interesting fight to see. I wish there was some way it could be arranged. Of course there would need to be three of me at that point - two to fight and one to watch. Because...I don't really want to get involved. I just want to see a good fight!

Smart money's on the fat guy.