I've Never Quit Smoking, and I'm Never Going to Quit.

I have a good rule when it comes to burning-vegetable inhalants: I never buy my own.

This makes addiction pretty much impossible, but it also pretty much rules out anything more exotic than an American Spirit.

Ah, but who am I kidding! As if to say I'd be all over the "weed" otherwise. I don't really go in for that stuff, honestly. Beer! Is my drug of choice. But oddly, not my beverage of choice. That would be water. Sweet and clean, packed with essential hydrogen and oxygen in that sweet covalent bond they share.

Oop. Wait. I do need to come clean! I said, "I never buy my own," but in actual fact I have twice, two (2) times, purchased a single pack of cigarettes for myself, in widely-separate incidents, during the course of my life. One (pack of Vantages, please) was for a long walk home one night. I was smoking as I walked; chain-smoking. I held that glowing coal in front of me like a beacon, or a crucifix. It was during the period in my life where I would do such things. I rationed it perfectly, the very last dying cig was stubbed out on my own sweet driveway.

The second pack (pack of American Spirits) I bought to keep handy for emergency purposes. It's in my kitchen drawer, unopened. I've had it for years. I wonder if they're still good and smokeable? Those American Spirits, half their whole deal is no preservatives, right? Hm.

Anyway, apart from those two packs, I really never do buy my own. I do fine on loaners. Bummed cigs, from friends and fiends in driveways, on porches, in front of pool halls.

I get my pack a year in.