Howabouta #1: Kitchen Invasion with Gordon Ramsay!

Howabouta show where Gordon Ramsay just shows up at your house to ask permission to come in and cook you absolutely the most delicious meal you've ever had out of only what you've got on hand, while scathingly upbraiding you for yours and your larder's deficiencies?

Gordon Ramsey would make a great Batman villain.

So anyway, while he's doing that, you're busy frantically contacting and rounding up six people on no notice to come over, be on tv and enjoy the feast! He may also let you help with you-level tasks.

The whole point is to give Ramsay a real challenge. Test his ingenuity. But to make it a bit fairer, for Ramsay, the guest host, the producers and the viewers, each episode starts with Ramsay working a live surveillance team at the local supermarket. This gives him a leg up, a chance to roll the dice based on a hint and a hunch - he can't blame the producers when he picks his own fate! What you've put in your cart, how you're dressed, your general bearing and deportment - careful, Ramsay may be watching you. Once he picks his shopper, it's on! The team expertly tails them home, gives them five minutes and then - ding-dong!

Hi, I'm Gordon Ramsay from Kitchen Invasion. Can I come in and cook for you on tv?

Seriously, who'd say no to that? Gordon Ramsay asking nicely. But you'd be surprised, because each episode features a hilarious montage of people who turned him down! Some quite nastily, even. Oh, the America.

Good Lord, people! There's already a show called Kitchen Invasion! Where its chefs travel to film episodes in people's kitchens! They seem to be downplaying the stalking, ambush, and verbal abuse angle. Those are the keys to the show's high-stakes drama and appeal! Wow, what a waste.

Well, thank God I looked that up without going any further with this.

Those dudes need to get Gordon Ramsay.