Sunday, June 16, 2024

Uh, Come on it. Everybody knows this long since childhood, Clickbait Tease.

I give you: 


You can click it to expand your views. 

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Caption from ScreenRant: 

"I Never Realized the Dark Reason Nightwing & Batgirl Are DC's Perfect Couple." 

Okay. First off, "Dark Reason...?" Way more than one reason this is quite absolutely true, Holmes! Let's just run it down from the top, from Topmoist-Truemost and thence down in descending order all the way to #H.

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That's right! It's my brand new Top H List: Why Nightwing (AKA "Robin") and Batgirl (AKA "Oracle") are DC's Perfect Forevercouple! 

  • H. The real true forever-reason. Both are very, very unsecretly hot-ass gay as hell for the Caped Crusader. Always were. Always have been. Always will be. 
  • G. Given the absolute validity and truth of #H as a premise: Because Kato was unavailable. Prior commitments to yes, one single woman. Check. 
  • F. Because Woke Batman was too busy laughing his spike-eyed TAIL off to ever properly rear ("rear") Barbra, Barbera, Hannah-Barbara OR "Dick" "Grayson," whatever circus suit you want to slap on or pull off these freaking clownstalkers. 
  • E. Since all the above is equally literally True, Batgirl & He-Robin are always going to be DC's Perfect Couple because He, The NightRobin, is never ever going to get over his fully-consummated "fling" with Starfire. 
    • And yes, I do mean Starfire. The original one. Yes. In that outfit. 
  • Reasons D through A are diversely accurate, yet you know what? 
    • They don't matter. 
      • Easily "ret-conned" by a hand-wave from Warner Bros. Cue the intended audience, winking hard with both cheeks: 

        "CURSES, BATMAN! YOU DONE DID IT TO THE KIDS AGAIN!" 

        Messed 'em both up, but baaaad this time. Real, baaaaaad. 

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Video Reference: Pure Proof from the Chris Nolan-era Batman-style multimedia "Fairly Fair Use" franchise BADMAN: 


WARNING: This is no mere perversion of The Batman's noble solo purpose. 

Ah, wait. Sure it is. It's a very mere perversion of The Batman's noble fictive purpose, which trust me: isn't hard to "get." His time and place, his city, literally his world's greatest detective? Check. 

Deputized law officer? Well, depends! Vigilante? No. Not when he is a deputized law officer. 

Giggling about tight batsuits and scaly, green birdy-panties is about as mature as the current Pope's refusal to sit in the Comfy Chair and pronounce a brunch order, binding upon all Orthodox Christians of his lusty, prideful stripe. Per version, that might could betoken something really raunchy! Such as a real dick in the eye to the Marxist-Feminist Icon, who'll be left nameless for privacy's sole sake and sushi brunch. Check!  

Yep! To a cultural reprobate, broken in mind and soul beyond growth, it sure could sure so betoken.

That would take only this: a Self-Pervert, pretty much like all the same, rich, overentitled white kids at swank summer camp forty-odd years ago now, still singing "Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg." 

Rolllll credits. 

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It isn't adults who pervert these tv and cinema cartoon anime sex and bondage tropes, you Heresiarch

It's kids who do so. Always. 

See, kids think adults are double-dump morons on (alternately) LSD or 'roids, to be so obviously fucking terrified of their own (THE OTHER ADULTS' PLUS EVERYONE'S FROM FETUS AGE ON UP TO SENESCENCE AND DEATH, PLUS BEYOND!!) natural, bodily, functions and byproducts, esp. gaseous or fluidic.  

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Grow up, sh!theel. Your vacuity is contagious only in your own hermetically meme-sealed culture-fvcked upwardly-warped brainstem of utter and abject feces-hole fixation. 

Trust you: you're being way less nasty than you wish people thought you were because of your "hotto-phobia cosplay kink(s)." Nobody, and I do mean no body ever living and at the same time human was ever frightened by "an irrational fear." Soon as it's called "a phobia," everyone knows: IRRATIONAL. BULL-SH!T. 

No one ever had a phobia that they might secretly be homosexual and somehow don't know about it yet. No one sane and healthy at any point in their lives has ever been embarrassed by a male erection, except in the sense: some men do get hard for crime. Murder the second-worst. Rape: the worst. 

Check.  

So putting that "phobe" nonsense about was directly responsible for no enlightment whatsoever: only a horrific load of directly and indirectly consequential murder and rape, yes, both. No joke. 

Thankfully, "kids these days" have begun to shun the wool in the cowl. 

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MAKE OURS MARVEL. 

Excelsior, Mate. 

It means "wood shavings."  

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