My Life Has Gone Wrong Somehow

I can't put my finger on it. Most days, my life seems okay. But then there's something missing. Or if there isn't something missing, then it must be that there's something there, that shouldn't be. Either that, or both. But whatever it is, my life...has gone wrong somehow.

We don't feel nostalgia for the past. We feel it for the future. It wasn't what we were doing then that was so golden, but what we were envisioning. All those futures that we saw for ourselves. At first, they kept pace with us seemingly right at their heels. Then they receded further and further out of reach, until we gave up and began envisioning something else. We miss them. We miss the futures we thought were ours.

A lot of people love me a lot. That ought to be enough for me. Shouldn't it?

When I pass a happy dog tied to a pole outside a restaurant, I ask myself, "why can't I be like that?"

I have never fallen out of love with anyone I've been in love with. No one else ever seems to have this problem.

I should shut up about it. I should probably shut up about it.