Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Saturday, March 16, 2024

My brother is not

I am the bad 
actor malef
actor please, you 
musician fans get 
yisself down off 
yo're dumb ass 

pederastals 

and come in. Code 
in Velitas This Is S
QUARE BARE> 

UNCODE 
or no code atall, 
yallers. The bus
i
ness ha
as never left the bill, 

and my hat is in sesh 
with my 2 main cahoots. 
Stephi and KA RIST EE 
LEIGH O'TANEX THE 
COLLE'EN STRINGS 
STRANGLAR! SUN'S 
UP, LET'S BUTT HEADS 

The Y 
is back in the back of the
heyoos

Random verbatim comment screenshot #2: dedicated to the Crap Blog Detective, who fellates secretly I hope

It is still a crime, Over There. Take it from Mr. Doughbags hisself: the South Yank Greek Irish One(1)STAR



CYAK RIPPED FROM THE HEADLIES #1: Oh, Shit.

LOL, I thought it said "Every Actor Has Played A Major Batman Character"


That chick in the neon nukey phlegm top makes me want to puke solar panels at North Jersey, to be sincere somehow. As usual, "the blonde"

These advertisers make me want to go in covert Fung Shway Interior Antidecor Specialist on their A.I. disabled HOLMES, soda speak. When o when will Data put on SPOCK EARS and show up at the Nude Space Travelers Homebake? 

Probably never, but I'm okay as long as I'm on the door. THEOTHERSIDE of the door. Thanks, 

Brent  

Friday, March 08, 2024

A Plea For Unity Originating From Trisol

"Soliens" is I think what all natives of this star system - from lowliest bacterium to highest dolphin or ape (such as us) (beings with third-class minds), and even including what used to be called "contagious living fluids" (viruses, might as well throw in PRIONS) ought to be called. 

We would be Trisoliens. Natives of Trisol. Well why not?

BIG NOTE: "third-class minds" not really important at this phase of development, but 2nd-class minds would include living beings at this point hypothetical only: material and/or energy-based, anything possessing both sentience at a level of sapience AND physicality as a prime or juked attribute that is capable of primary perception (without need of sensory organs), but such perception has limits (such as C/lightspeed, et al). Trisolien, Solien or otherwise (extrasolien, otherdimensional et al) would be a 2nd or 1st class mind ("1st class" would have no sensory limits to its primary perception, and would thus functionally be omniscient).

_________________________

Naturally, otherworldly or otherdimensional living beings might be organized along any principles at all besides the grok-amok hurlyburly amino twist we call "DNA." They might not even be carbon based. I strongly tend to believe there are other third-class minds out there, but my skeptic instinct roots pretty deep in me and I say all natives of Trisol should be SKEPTIC as to the existence of these SO-CALLED "second" and "third" "class" "minds"

Just as a good sort of "go-by."

_______________

SKEPTIC does not equal "DOUBTER." 

Doubters presume what they can know or imagine forms a practical limit to what is. They take unknowledge (including: unprovability) as if it's some law or even principle (or "go-by") of the universe, and so end up saying cockamamie things like: "FIRST-CLASS MIND(s)?! NOT IN THIS REALITY! GO FISH!" Bunch of sh!t-for-brainses, to be honest.

A skeptic would want to see all such "limits" demonstrable before giving tuff (or other) credence to them. As a practical matter though, skeptics and "doubters" do tend to converge upon a lot of samsies-type points: but how they got there is radical, almost diametric in its difference. 

Monday, February 26, 2024

STRIVES WITH G*D FOR SUBMISSION TO G*D

Let's be respectful. 

This is a cause whose time IS COME. #GOFUNDWE! 

MAKE YOUR 1-TIME $2 PLEDGE IN COMMENTS 

All non-pledge comments shall be removed first. 

ISRAEL: STROVE WITH G*D 

ISLAM: SUBMISSION TO G*D'S WILL. 

Why o why not...? Include your specific Go Fund Me LINK with your pledge comment! ALL LINKS MUST INCLUDE "ISRAEL FOR ISLAM" or "OBSERVANT JEWS FOR DEVOTED MUSLIMS" and I do mean VERBATIM, MISTER. 

Sunday, November 19, 2023

New Poems Up on My Sister Blog, APOCKETFULOFPOESY dot com!

Please feel free to come by, click and read, and submit your critiques in comments. SUPPORT THE DRIVE FOR 365 on this, the FOURTEENTH ANNIVERSARY of the institution of the "poem-a-day(-on-average)" requirement! 

Picture credit: some lucky fan who prefers (or might well prefer) to remain anonymous. CUTIE 

"The X-Men's Enemies Are Turning Cyclops Into A Martyr (again)"

Look. 

If the thing doesn't work the first five times it's tried, it could be time to admit the one you're setting up as a martyr has no real fans who'd mourn its (pardon me: ITS) passing. Cyclops? 

His superpower is to SEE RED at you, destroying all in line with his big bad male gaze. If ever there was a way-too-hetero mutant on overcompensation mode (and therefore, pretty unfit for the martyr post), it's Scott Freaking Summers, and no amount of "savior DNA" left contaminated all over the place by an adoring "Mr Sinister" is going to eclipse how dumb Summers's powerset was in the first place, please. 

He's considered one of the X-Men's iconic leaders. I say, red flag that ass and put the whole review team in the booth, because when did a decision of his ever live up to his soi disant "tactical genius on Phoenix mode" rep...? 

Counting...

...counting...

Cyclops can go check his nearest mirror and martyr himself any time he wants to, given the right equipment upgrade. Get his brother, Havoc. 

Now that man's a catastrophic tragic figure waiting to happen onscreen, if you ask me. He doesn't just look bad, he is bad. BADASS FORCE WAVE on point and on cue! 

"10 Tells Why First-to-Third Week Huge Box Office Fail of MCU's Marvels Points Way To Future CGI and Continuity Problems"

Ok. 

OK, you can stop reading. I made that up. If you see that particular funny clickbait headline, by all means drop an unverifiable anecdote in comments and I'll unsource the scoundrels responsible for stealing my shtick.

This has been yet another iteration of Clickbait Headlines Critiques, right here on Consider Your Ass Kicked! 

Saturday, November 18, 2023

Big Promises (canceled - moved over to original poetry blog)


"Marvel Heroes Like Daredevil & The Defenders Could Solve CGI Problems"

I don't want to drop a huge log in anyone's victory float, but for far too long we've been turning to the wrong heroes to solve CGI problems. I say it's time to bring the IT Crowd in on this. 

See what they have to recommend. 

Fiction Friday Exclusive Preview: The Lay Of You-Know-Who, Book Twelve.

Wheeling in his seat, he spat accusation across the room with his eyes. Valoutta of the Souls spun and caught it by her open mouth, teeth bared in an alarming display of manners. “WHAT??” she queried.

“Nothing!” he added, more or less sheepishly. “It’s only that I ordered pot-stickers,” he unwisely clarified, receiving for his troubled sins a hard BOTTLE-SHOT CHAMPAGNE CROTCH SPIKE right in the lap from our lady of the place, Valoutta! “OW” he cried, almost blubbering in his too-highly conditioned reflexive way!

So it was that, before anyone could possibly be any the wiser, he leapt lion-like from his seat! He sprang, drawing both his trademark long-notch longswords plus (in a telltale arc, too glossy and bright of sheen to be mistaken by any fool then present) his glittering scimitar! Resplendent in his legendary gear of war, all eyes wheeled awkwardly for the exits as he declared himself, his purpose, his voracious hunger by that point not the least of it! “WENCH,” he dimly advised, “I AM-”

“-WE KNOW,” rejoined just about every last patron in that tumbledown waterfront dive, which even to a careless eye’s assessment was none too tony.


Grimacing with a satisfaction perhaps too-evident,

…he resheathed all four weapons in one smooth motion of muscle memory, and called distractedly for a Hot Halberd - a specialty of the house! And one our erstwhile too-cool wonton-bearing wench (or one wench, at any rate, entirely too-cool in the delivery department and inarguably wanton of bearing) rushed to fulfill his spoken need before this fool stranger made another ass move to disgrace Bill’s Docktown Dive Bar further than his mere stupid presence could accomplish.

~Here Ends Book Twelve. The Remainder of Book Twelve Is Lost. Don’t Worry~

No one else dies! No one else dies yet, at least until book fourteen. 

Friday, November 17, 2023

"Spider-Man comic book writer is confused by his villain's appearance in the Madame Web Trailer"

You and me both, Bill Strykszwinksy! Straczynski, that is. "J. Michael Straczynski."

I mean, the trailer itself was pure class, what with that seeming psychic paramedic pulling a wrenching web-yank on spider-futures, pasts, you name it - from all we can see, right in the nick of time, too! She's been a paramedic in other things, I believe? That U.K. show? Isn't this the same actress?

IMDB it later, maybe. She's got that caring look down cold, and the hairdo is a ringer. Isn't the she-paramedic with future-tense senses a bit of a trope, though, by now? I'm thinking of the Tick's Arthur's sister, but TRUST ME. That's nothing new. I think she (Madame Web, not Miss Trauma or whatever nom-de-super Arthur's big trusty sis eventually settled on) was also in that vampire fanfic remake people hated some while back. Bottom line though, why is red-and-black Spidey acting like a Spider-a**hole all through this thing? 

J. Michael Straczynski, who wrote the thing (Spider-Man) during a pretty otherwise-empty stretch in the mid-to-early 2000s, fills us in:

He has no idea either! "Don't ask me," he quips (not verbatim). He seems to think the red-and-black Spidey expy is Morlun, and not (as I'd presumed) Miguel O'Hara, from Spider-Man 2099. Either way, I wouldn't want to meet up with that clown in a dark alley or a well-lit diner (see trailer), and I don't care who's on the scene for pre-first response, or how many tricks she packs in her own tangled and entangling web-bag. Sometimes, it's best to just avoid the crisis.  

Update: The U.K. hospital soaper I'm thinking of is called CASUALTY, often styled CASUAL+Y or some similar. The actress is wrong. I was thinking of the long, deep-haired brunette with the blue eyes to kill for, and she's on another series entirely, apparently. 

Click to see the vid at the original article! It's MADAME WEB

TOUGH TOPICS #3: Heteronormative Threesome Etiquette: the Basics

Well, like, aren't you afraid to accidentally send yourself sexual vibes, though? So you just don't want other men to think you're gay?

I'm not afraid to send myself sexual vibes. In fact, all heterosexual men who do their part must be at least part gay, because (SPOILER warning, GROSS): that's a man's hand, baby. When they're, you know, manually throttling their "joy stick," trust me: no amount of manicure and nail polish is going to gussy up and gloss that one over. IS IT.

Anyway, that's my take - as always, I speak very raw and completely at ease with it. I'm actually fine with anybody else thinking I'm gay, too, although it doesn't happen so much these days (the beard?). But I always took it as a complement when a dude would hit on me! It was a nice surprise, and generally, most of those guys seemed to have pretty good taste. So I felt like I'd been A-rated by a reputable critic. How can THAT be bad?

BUT STILL. I hate when somebody - male, female - thinks I've been signaling interest in them and was doing it in an indirect hinty way. Because people totally do that to each other all the time! And it's legitimate, even if I myself have no handle on the technique of hinting. I don't like to mess with people, or make their hopes fall, even if I recognize that it's totally not my fault if it was all a process of reading-into-perceived-hints. It's happened a time or two, and TRUST ME: I try to make a conscious effort to be direct. 

So that if the question arises, clarity comes quick.

A. None of that really pertains super-strongly to threesomes, but a threesome is a very ratched-up (and from my standpoint, wretched-in-prospect) scenario for a question to arise in! In a two-dudes threesome, I can see in that situation, maybe the guy might be like "Hey, long as we're all here let's do THIS! THIS! THIS!," and next thing you know I'm probably ruining the mood with my damn omnideterminist comfort level. Comfort and joy level, really.

But I feel like if you're going to go into a situation like that, GET OUT. Not interested! The last thing you want is a spoiler in there, right? Yet I know myself pretty well, and certain propositions or maneuvers are going to make me sarcastic.

I just like things to be open, honest, fun if possible (DEPENDS), and more-than-borderline monogamaniacal, so I would try to avoid setups that I know probably-to-definitely ain't my flavor of any thang no-way, no-how. I like to tag along on stuff, but not literally, and certainly not if I'm pretty sure I'll ruin it for others. You know?

But still. All the specific stuff you could point out, definitely: stick it in comments. We'll see if I can humor or tolerate it, and nobody's going to mind either way!

That's my ironbound comfort-and-joy go-by. 
_______________________

This edition of the Tough Topics #3 was originally a different number, and came up someplace else. 

I have no idea. I found it in drafts, tightened it up, cut a ton of fluff and viola. Another edition of The Tough Topics. Click the label if you have any doubts on that score! 

Q. Why are violas so small?

A. They're not. It's just that violinists have enormous heads. 

People Aren't Toxic. You're Allergic, or Else Maybe They Just Taste Awful.

It's like this: people aren't toxic. Some of them just taste bad.

If you hate lima beans, it's not the fact they are poisonous that makes them utterly not worth your time. They're not poisonous. But they're still utterly not worth your time: because they are not to your taste. You have every right to avoid them. You cannot possibly enjoy them. They're positively awful.

There are people like that, too. They're not toxic. You don't need to make stuff up just to explain why you don't want to have unpleasant times interacting with them. They taste awful. Reason enough!

Nobody is owed you.

Nobody is owed your time or company.

People have you in your life because they want you there. If that's not true, you should feel a little sick about that. If they didn't want you there, they do not need an excuse, alibi, or diagnosis to justify that. In your life, when there's somebody who you simply can't enjoy, don't get along with, your interactions just clash or go sideways - that person is not "toxic."

Even when they give you bad reactions, even physical reactions - that person isn't toxic. You are allergic.

It is you who doesn't cope well with their interaction style, their personality, their person. Others who remain friends with them aren't "fooled." They just don't have the sensitivities you do. This doesn't make them stronger or tougher. Some of them would probably keel over from eating a peanut!

"Oh I'm not interacting with that person, but it's because they're toxic. It would be useless."

Peanuts aren't toxic. Interacting with them is not useless. Some people do wonderful things with them. I will have great interaction and relationship with the person you call toxic, and no, it won't end up biting me in the end. I may even find the person off-putting at first! Maybe I'll catch a little of what's bugging you - and then make a breakthrough, after which it's all fine. Once you know what to expect from a person, and what to trust them for, you can include them in plenty of delicious recipes, speaking socially. And then that person can potentially give you many (or any) of the things a person is able to give to another.

What can you trust a person for? Generally, after a long enough exposure, you can trust them to be the person they've shown you. Calling someone "toxic" doesn't decrease my obligation to try to make interaction work with them. My obligation to try was originally zero.

Obviously work bonds, family bonds, any bond we don't consider dissoluble - you may have an obligation to interact. But you know what, if calling them "toxic" gets you out of it, then it wasn't indissoluble.

Toxicity doesn't exist in the other person. It exists in the specific reaction between the person who is X and the person who can't take X - and plenty of people can take X, I assure you. Plenty of people make X a staple part of their diet. Everyone who thinks X is delicious and potent and nutritive good eats isn't wrong, just because you got all red and puffy and almost died. Know yourself, and know what you can't or won't take. Be alert for the signs, and limit your exposure to those things. If you're in an unhealthy relationship, do what you need to do: probably, end it. Think about what it was you couldn't take in that relationship. In the future, you can watch for it. It's not poison to everybody. It doesn't have to be. It's poison to you.

Some people are not reliable. Some people are procrastinators. Some people are known to lie. Often, there are certain identifiable conditions that trigger a lie, such as "didn't want to hurt feelings!" Some people have a temper. Some people are very closed, and won't talk about what's going on inside them. Some people do huge deep sharing, and need the other to as well. Some need a wholllllle lotta sex. Some people don't want sex at all, or hardly. Some people close down when they feel you've hurt them. Some people bear a grudge. Some people are too jealous, some are not jealous enough for the other's liking. Some people get too bothered by something, some get not bothered enough for the other's liking. Some people are great with conflict, direct and disarming. Others shun conflict entirely, others approach it indirectly. Some people get a case of the ass and call that last class of people "passive-aggressive."

None of these people is toxic. For every trait you could name, there are wonderful, happy relationships and healthy interactions between the person with that trait, and another person who has no big problem with it. A person who knows how to spot it in time, or defuse the bomb or hopscotch past the mine, or just plain doesn't mind - maybe even finds it a virtue. I mean even on a literal level: you could probably cook and eat any of those people with (fingers crossed) no ill effects.

Nobody's toxic. Some people just taste awful to you. Or you're allergic: some people just give you a bad reaction.

You don't need excuses, fake diagnoses and warning labels to cut out what you know you can't possibly enjoy. Why would you? Are you really saying you can't just spit them out and try something else, without slapping a fake warning label diagnosis on them?

Or do you believe you are a nice person, someone who needs an excuse - or else you owe yourself to everyone?

Because damn. That's not allergic. That's one of those deals where you need to bring in a plastic bubble. Get a fricken immune system, dude! Listen to your antibodies and learn from your taste buds.
____________

Image credit: "Bee & Peanut"
(me)

Thought of the day: BAD BOUNCE

"It went over like a trampoline." 

What is the best Space on Q**** to submit Proofs from N*** Basement Hookup?

Q. What is the best Space on Q & A site to submit Proofs from N*** Basement Hookup?

A. Please don’t. At best you’re courting an adult filth tag (sounds like), at worst a much worse criminal charge for violating a basement. Are you at least fourteen? DON’T, then.  

It's against policy for fourteen year-olds even to be there! Check your local jurisdictions precedents and courts, please. Beyond which, consider the site first before you consider "Which Space"?

1) Nobody on Quora wants to see these so-called “Proofs” from N*** Basement Hookup, and

2) If your ‘rents are upstairs while you’re down there bringing the house down in arrears over some cooked-up gripe you’ve been steaming and stewing for years, trust me, “Anonymous” isn’t going to storm your door with a gift certificate for a free trial membership, either. CUI BONO? 

Who benefits?

For that matter: PROOFS OF WHAT? Self-disdain, self-abuse, self-care-gone-wild? I for one am sick of the incel jokes that portray grown basement-dwellers as somehow needing proofs to validate their downstairs pad job of a social media exposure, cinema veritĆ© guerrilla style. It's been done to death by now, and if you can't beat a dead horse back to life, trust me. 

Don’t put it on Quora, please. We don't need an exhibitionist badge hung by a lanyard on the downstairs door to know: questions like these raise too many worm-cans by too many degrees Celsius to even calculate the calories. 

It’s not worth it, either. 

"Power Rangers Red Ranger Just Became One of the Franchise's Strongest Characters!"

What are these, strike headlines? Some recognition of how strong a character he has or was is I'm sure, on-point, but at the same point: who cares how scarlet, carmine or rose-tinted the spectacles are on a washed-out, washed-up, tarted-up false kung fu joint like this? 

Kudos, Red Ranger. That and the price of coffee will get you a tip, that is if you're as fast and accurate a baristor as I suspect you well may be. SHEESH

GROW UP

____________________________________

This has been another in a series. "Funny Clickbait Headlines Critiques," right here on Consider Your Ass Kicked. 

Wednesday, November 15, 2023

Fiction Friday Redux #9: "Copperlocks & The Three Panties"

Consider Your Ass Kicked!: Fiction Friday: Copperlocks And The Three Panties (asurfaceofinfiniteshallowness.blogspot.com)

"Most Annoying Songs Of All Time, Ranked"

This is another edition of "Funny Clickbait Headlines Critiqued," right here on Consider Your Ass Kicked! 

5. "Free Bird." This is the song I hack out on guitar if people are requesting cover tunes. See, I can't hack cover tunes, so I wrote a song called "Free Bird." It's like, "Went into the pet shop, boy, laid my heart on loan. Walked out with parakeet," something something. It's a buy one get one deal, basically: FREE BIRD. Can't beat that with a birdcage. 

4. "Hey Now." This is a Crowded House song. The chords are a bitch to finger smoothly, and that trademark "Maori strum" Neil Finn walks down all through it is as smooth as it gets. "Hey now, hey now, don't HIT THAT CHORD LIKE THAT, man-hannn," 

3. "You Wanna Be Startin' Something." This is just a straight-up earworm. Mamma say mamma sa mah mah coo sah. 

2.  & 1. 

Let's leave both top spots open, pending whether I read and/or agree with the clickbait article at some point. 

some self-regard

Your humble online poet's
verse
inspires an attack
or curse. Now
please,
who's fault
has all this been? Check in
the mirror,
mannequin.

"Wonder Man Proved To Be Stronger Than All The Avengers Combined"

No sh!t. He's Wonder Man. From Avengers #9 by Stan Lee & Don Heck. 

What do you expect when Wonder Man makes the scene? He's like Superman except from prison, and he can't fly without the aid of his jet - jet-belt, in his case. Not invisible Jet, such as the Amazonians were wont to invent, design, test-execute and mass-produce for only the use of their ace diplomat to Man's World, Wonder Woman. 

We never got to find out who was truly stronger, in that as-yet hypothetical matchup. WHO CARES?

I sure as sheez Louise do not. 

Wonder Woman would wipe the floor with this particular incarnation of Earth's Mightiest: The Avengers, as is stoutly proven by ripoff B-Lister Wonder MAN doing it. Doing it pretty dang handily and readily as well! As befits the man Simon Williams who'd later go on to some pretty easy work in Hollywood, as a stunt man. 

This has been another edition of Funny Clickbait Headlines Critiques, here on You Guessed It! 

Consider Your Ask Kissed

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

"Along with being the Avengers’ villain-of-the-week in this issue, Namor was also responsible for finding Captain America frozen in ice, and was directly responsible for Steve Rogers joining the Avengers."

In a departure from our "Funny Clickbait Headlines Critique" feature here on Consider Your Ass Kicked!, the above is no headline. It's actually a snatch from one of the articles! 

I accidentally clicked through to the article. Not bad. I sure didn't know all THAT about Namor. Who knew? 

This all occurred in Avengers #4, mighty readers. Excelsior. 

Monday, November 13, 2023

CYAK! Redux: Han Solo, Master Linguist Part. 1

Consider Your Ass Kicked!: How Many Languages Does Han Solo Speak, Anyway? (asurfaceofinfiniteshallowness.blogspot.com)

"Disney has over 40 movies coming to theaters through 2031 - here they are."

FALSE. 

This has been another specimen of "Funny Clickbait Headlines Critiques," here on Consider Your Ass Kicked! 

True story! 

"15 Things You Never Knew Juggernaut Can Do"

Pretty sure it's more like fifty. Oh, okay, okay, fifty minus about two-and-a-half. The guy is stronger than a resting Hulk and cannot be stopped once he's got forward progress. Everything else is up to the refs on the field and the review booth:

That'd be the writers and the editors, kids. Play safe. 

"Colossus' Final Fight Against His Brother Proves He's X-Men's Most Tragic Hero"

False. 

1. It's "Colossus's" not "Colossus'." 

2. No, he's not. Which "He's" are we meant to imply or infer, here? More has been read between the lines than was ever written there! 

3. He (Colossus') doesn't even HAVE a brother. He's got a sister! Misgendering alert ahoy! 

Let's have another go at the fiction canon please, shall we? Try some other universe, in comments, in which the above are not plain-simple minded truth's teeth, please. If you're going to go in all overboard on the snark and sarcasm, please, at least get your in-universe facts straight, and specify. 

Peace & capisce. 

This has been another instance of "Funny Clickbait Headline Critiques" here on this, Consider Your Ass Kicked! 


"Denzel Washington to Star as Carthaginian General Hannibal in Anoine Fuqua Reteam at Netflix"

SOLD. 

Praise is the better part of criticism. This has been yet another edition of funny clickbait headline critiques on this here, Consider Your Ass Kicked! blog, AKA "Ye Blog." As distinct from Ze Blog (my less-original poetry blog) or De Blog (my original poetry blog). My late lamented blog, at one point: now merely my sadly but justly neglected-of-late, "Ye Blog." Keep it straight in comments, please!   

Netflix, huh? I wonder if that's available in my region. I think they basically outdid Blockbuster, right out of the business as I recall. Too late, Blockbuster! Should've reacted a bit quicker, more quickly (both are or would have been acceptable), and with something more on-point than a wow-ugh face emoji! 

Blockbuster never had to go out of business, dudes. Tough.