Superman: We're Really Better Off Without Him

Yeah I know, he'd be real useful to have around in a pinch. But when you really look at the question from a few angles, you'll probably admit that overall, we're much better off without Superman.

First of all, superheroes always seem to attract super-villains. At least that's one thing we in the real world don't have to worry about, right? Criminals who sneer at the laws of physics! We don't need that. Every time a super-powered costumed adventurer pops up in the movies, it always seems like an equally-dangerous super-maniac pops up pretty quick to challenge him. And generally, more than one will pop up! Each of your superheroes tends to breed a whole stable of super-enemies, pretty quickly. That's what comes of needing a new menace each month in your comic book. But in real life, you just know that those first six or eight month's worth of super-villains (each of whom alone is bad news enough to hard-press the hero) would just pool their forces and clobber the guy.

Plus, every time those guys get into fights in the city, somebody always starts throwing cars. I don't want somebody picking up my car and throwing it at anybody - especially if I'm in it.

Second, and more importantly: just imagine the impact that a real, live Superman - active in the real world, flying around dealing with real disasters - imagine the impact that such a being would have on our entertainments! He would totally ruin all new action movies, just by existing. You could no longer suspend disbelief. Everybody would be sitting there in the theater going, "Come on! This crisis has been going on for twenty minutes. Totally unrealistic! Superman would have swooped in and mopped everything up easy by now."

Call me a fool, but I don't want to live in a world like that.

Comments

Cassie said…
I think the worst and most insidious effect of a superhero is that us mere mortals eventually come to depend on him showing up and saving the day at the last second. This saps our own strength and initiative, and teaches us that it's alright to just sit around and wait while someone jumps off of a building or a high-rise burns down or the levy is about to burst, because, after all, Superman would never let the worst happen. It'll all turn out alright if we just wait.
Magna said…
If Superman existed, every action movie would have to contain an explanation of why he couldn't respond that day. Maybe he was tied up with a forest fire somewhere, or had a bad case of kryptonite poisoning, or set his alarm for "p.m." instead of "a.m."
dogimo said…
Cassie: Excellent point. Witty, persuasive, well-argued. Cogent. A bit too cogent! I will delete your comment and add the substance of it into the main post. That will teach you a valuable lesson for showing me up.

Magna: You have it precisely. Who wants these unwanted Superman references intruding into your action movies? Although I've thought the reverse might be funny - if there were a straight action movie and suddenly, in a Deus Ex Machina ending, Superman appears to save the day! The rest of the movie would have nothing to do with Superman, we would only find out at the twist-end that the film is set in a world of Superman.

That would be kind of funny, I think. "Superman! Thank God you're here!"

Or maybe they could have a Superman movie where God swoops in.