When I die, I want my wishes to be known. I want to be sent off in a manner befitting those wishes:
* In accordance with the wishes of the deceased, it is to be a nude funeral. That means the mourners as well - not just the guest of honor!
* Open-casket, as long as the manner of death was not too hard on the corpse. Poor corpse!
* Okay, I was kidding about the nude funeral. That's just mean to those poor mourners. People should only have to deal with unreasonable requests like that at weddings.
* Speaking of which, this isn't the sort of thing where I could "force the issue," but if any of the mourners were engaged to be married to each other, and they wished to move up the date so as to have their wedding at my funeral, I would be touched and tickled at the prospect! It would be a nice counterpoint. Circle of life! PROVISO: I don't want the bride to be hugely pregnant at the altar. Now, that's a perfectly fine thing to see at a modern-day wedding, and I'm perfectly in step with today's more relaxed attitudes. I approve of people being less uptight, as a general thing. But at my funeral...it's a little gauche.
* As mourners file past my open casket, my right arm is to be propped up extending outward, so that each passerby can give me one last hearty handshake on the way out. Or high-five, if that's the note they want.
* The funeral announcement is to specify that in lieu of expensive floral arrangements with which to festoon the funeral hall, well-wishers should spend an equal amount of money on balloons. You just get a lot more bang for the buck. And no black balloons, either! I want colorful balloons.
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