The ScarJo Effect

I give Jennifer Lopez all the credit in the world. As far as I know, she was the first actor to come up with a cutesy abbreviation of her name for self-marketing purposes. I'm sure other people will dig out a bunch of crusty historical antecedents from Vaudeville days or whatever. I seriously doubt these pioneers were on J-Lo's mind when she made that leap.

And she leapt, and everyone loved it! Admittedly, they loved it mostly because they thought it was ridiculous. The first wave of "imitators" were almost all people making fun. But it was undeniably a cute little nickname for her. There was no not letting it win you over. Pretty soon, the imitators were being sincere in their flattery. And after an amazingly short period of time, they were no longer even imitating her. It had become its own thing. The little trunc'd syllable nickname was firmly established.

But it's gone far enough. We now have gossip columnists clepening people with awkward handles such as "Scar-Jo" for Scarlet Johanson. Now I admit - her name is a problem for those who have to type it. Scarlett Johannessen? Scarlet Johansson? Scarlett Johannsen? Okay, they might have a point with her. But the end product sounds grotesque! That needs to be part of the consideration, when coming up with these. "Scar-Jo!" It sounds like a disfigured medieval jester. "Come forth, Scar-Jo! O hideous one! Regale us with your mirth and antics!" Some celebrities - the name just doesn't lend itself to the treatment. You need to let it go.

We can't let this trend go unchecked. Are we to reconcile ourselves to hearing entertainment wonks asking questions like, "Sure, his turn in that Tru-Cap biopic won him top accolades, but can PhiSeyHoff make the leap to bankable lead?" That's pronounced like his actual truncated syllables. You might render it phonetically as, "fih-see-hoff."

Ah, I don't know. I've run out of things to say on this. I declare my point made. Here's to ya, "J. Lo"...jay to the el oh. J- e- l-l- o. Julia Roberts is just lucky she came along too early to be christened "Ju-Rob." Let's hope they don't start making this trend retroactive.

Next I find out my Grandmom Jane is insisting on everyone referring to her as G-Mom J.