Coca-Cola Versus Pepsi: an Objective Assessment

One time I offered to buy somebody a Coke and she said - "no thanks - but I'll take a Pepsi!"

How's that for fucking cheek! I told her, "Sorry, I don't support that organization."

Screw Pepsi! I wouldn't buy an ice-cold Pepsi on the hottest day on record in HELL, not if I had two pockets stuffed jangling full of quarters! And I have no doubt that they do hold the concession for that territory.

I can't even get into all the reasons why I say, "screw them." Let's take the name for starters! What the fuck is a "Pepsi"? It sounds real dumb. And what about their logo? It repulses me!

That whole scam about the blind taste test - who do they think they can kid with that? Not me. Who are these morons they get, who supposedly can't tell which from which? The two taste nothing alike! The only idiot who would pick Pepsi over Coke in a test like that is somebody who either can't tell the difference, or who prefers Pepsi anyhow! And what kind of a skewed result does that give you? Are we supposed to care what somebody thinks about flavor, when they can't even tell which one is Coke?!

Shoot. The whole concept doesn't even make sense. It's just bad science.

I admit, I like a little RC Cola now and then when I can get it. Just as a change-up, when I see it on the menu that a restaurant happens to feature the ol' Royal Crown. That goofy taste knocks me out every time! Yet that's only because it is a change-up for me. I would never go with RC over Coke on a permanent basis. Coke is just too strong a product overall.

Coca-Cola is the finest sugary corporate beverage in the world. Everything from the red of the can, to the Dynamic Ribbon Device(tm), to the fact that they're headquartered in Atlanta - from top to bottom, it's like everything about Coke spells "class" in some mysterious way.

Although, Pepsi's logo isn't so bad I guess. It only repulses me because I know what it stands for.