Tonight I was walking home from pool when I observed a group on the sidewalk well ahead of me. Two women, probably between 35-45 years old each, five to seven smallish children (probably between 5 to 7 years old each), and one lad of about 12. My first thought was, "I could take this whole group of people in a fight right now, take 'em all down."
Does that ever happen to anybody else? Do you find these random antisocial thoughts popping into your head, unwanted, for no reason? I want to point out that I had no desire or urge...there was no thought of acting on the thought, none whatsoever. It just popped into my head, a passing notion. And as soon as it did, I was dead sure that I could totally do it: if it came down to it, I could kick all of their asses at once. I had no doubt about it. And I don't mean "element of surprise," I mean even if they knew what was up, and had a chance to plan and strategize!
They'd send the little kids in first, figuring that I'd go easy on them. WRONG. Next up, they'd be looking for what I would do next - they'd expect me to try to take out the 12-year-old because he, being male, would be the biggest perceived threat in my eyes. Sorry! Wrong again. I'd go straight for the shorter woman in the turquoise pullover. That humorless expression, underlain with a certain no-bullshit confidence, I can tell she's packing mace. She'd never get the chance to get it out of her purse!
As she crumples to the sidewalk, the other two would be on me in a heartbeat - trying to minimize my mobility advantage by grappling me to the ground. I'd fake out the woman by clawing her right in the face with my fingernails - the last thing she'd expect from a guy my size! While she's reeling from that, I'd bowl the kid over and fall on top of him like 240 pounds of fat cement. He's out for the count, but she's recovered enough to be a danger - while I'm prone, and in a bad defensive position. So as I pivot onto my back, I'd send a clumsy flurry of kicks in her general direction - it's not going to connect, but it'll back her right the hell off! And give me a chance to do my special ninja-style kick-out-jump-to-my-feet maneuver. Next thing she knows, I'm right there with a big helping of two-fisted mayhem.
No contest.
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