Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Friday, June 01, 2007

Road Safety Corner #3: Buddy Up!

When you're out on the highways, alone or at night, I can't stress hard enough how important it is to use the "buddy system." Good drivers have to get a little teamwork going out there, to keep everyone on the road safe. You know how it is, moving down the highway especially at night - cars bunch together in packs, blocking stuff up even thought there's generally plenty of free-and-clear in between each pack of cars. Ideally, you want to find a way to move slowly and safely up through the pack, out into the clear, and onto the next pack. The goal is to continuously and safely keep your speed just a few MPH above the prevailing. But how to do it?

Buddy up!

You're in the passing lane. So is everybody else, except the two-to-three-odd cars in the other lanes basically keeping pace, blocking up progress in a very passive-aggressive fashion. The cowards! Suddenly - hey! - a pair of headlights in the rear view, zooming up at an alarming rate! QUICK! Get over. He's coming harder and faster than you are. Very often, you will find that a determined driver like that will find a way to clear a way.

That's your new buddy!

Once he's past you, get in behind him. Don't tailgate! Never tailgate your buddy. Tailgating is his job!

Just keep a respectful distance behind, as he clears the way. Don't crowd him! But don't let anybody get in between you, either. The trick is to match speeds with your buddy, keeping behind him as he wends a path through the lanes, all the while preserving that respectful distance so he doesn't try to pull aside and make you his buddy. If you can manage that, your buddy will clear a path for you both with his speedy and determined safe-driving style, and you can safely go as fast as he does! Because in theory, if cop sees two dudes speeding and can only pull one of them over, cop is probably going to want to go for the front-runner. That's just cop's general preference, mentality-wise.

You'll note I keep referring to your buddy with the gender-neutral "he" pronoun. This is because in practice, let's face it - that dude is a guy. Not to say that females can't make great buddies (in so many ways!), but I've been keeping close track and every time I see that ideal buddy out there on the road - aggressively safe, with driving skills to match that impressive speed - it's generally a guy. That's not predictive or prejudiced, it's a post-facto observation from someone who knows.

Enough! It sickens me how I constantly seem to be kow-towing to the gender gendarmes!

Anyhow, that about gives you all you need to know about how to buddy up. A couple words of warning: if your buddy begins driving erratically or like an asshole, ditch him. You don't need to associate with that or lend your tacit stamp of approval to such unseemly doings.

The second word of warning, I give by way of anecdote. True story. I normally buddy up with cars, but occasionally a motorcyclist has what it takes to fit the bill. Today, driving home from work, I was tearing up the road towards a pretty thick pack of cars, when I notice this biker ahead of me who clearly has the right idea. He's pressing on firmly, everybody is getting over for him - he's not splitting the lanes either, he's firmly planted in pass. He's my new buddy! I'm enjoying myself, flying by everybody, he's clearing the way. I'm admiring his pretty sweet-looking bike and his NICE gold-tone helmet - I'm thinking, "If I had a bike, that's the kind of helmet I'd get!" I'm noticing he's got his bike tricked out with some neat custom touches. What are those blue reflectors for?

Wait! You guessed it. My so-called "buddy" is a COP.

I backed the heck off after that. There's one level of respectful distance for your buddy, but there's a whole other upper echelon of respectful distance to keep behind a speeding cop. Because let's face it: we all love our peace officers and we all support law enforcement, but cop is not your buddy. Cop has a different role to play in that dance. And at some point, if you try to treat cop as your buddy, cop is going to come to the conclusion that you're deliberately fucking with him.

And when it comes to fucking with cop, it is needless to say what it is needless to say.

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