So many relationships these days are undermined by a failure to reach an open and mutual understanding of what a relationship is. If there isn't agreement on that point, then the relationship has no foundation. Two people who have a different understanding of what a relationship is - they're not in "a relationship." They are in separate relationships.
Relationships come in many kinds, yet everyone seems to think their idea of a relationship is the universal standard for all decent people. Most people don't even bother to talk about the most basic issues. The topic doesn't come up until the realization dawns (ugly and sudden) that the other person's definition is different. By then, it's looked at as a sacred betrayal of trust. "How could you think THAT's okay, when this whole time I've thought only THIS was okay?"
Let's face it. Many different types of relationships can be successful. There isn't "only one kind" that works. It's fine to have an extremely possessive relationship - if that's what both parties want, and it is applied equitably in both directions. It's fine to have one of those relationships where people say "there's no question you can't ask me, and there's nothing I won't tell you" - but that's got to be something both people are comfortable with. It's fine to have rules about who can and can't do what, and what the expectations are - as long as both people know what they are.
Sometimes people don't want possessiveness - they want a little liberty, a little trust. Sometimes people don't want "no secrets" - they may want sane boundaries, with some room left for privacy.
The worst fights (apart from those about money) stem from one person assuming that "If you're in a relationship, then that automatically means this, this, this and this! That's just the definition of a relationship!" Uh, no. That's just one person's definition.
What's the other person's?
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