Once I had a dream where I was a Hobbit on a mission with Gandalf and Jesus Christ, and at one point we were in this house and Gandalf was trying to microwave a cat. I looked over at Jesus and said, "hey, man...are you okay with this?" He just calmly shrugged his shoulders and replied, "It's part of the movie."
That's a lesson I've tried to apply to my life almost every day since.
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In fuller detail:
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Last night was the worst, lamest dream I have ever had. I was a hobbit - I have no idea how that happened. The idea that I had in the dream was that I was in some kind of LOTR sequel movie, but instead of filming it, we were all just "in the movie" as it was happening. So I was a little fat hobbit. And we were having some secret council at this pub, kind of like the pub in the first movie. Gandalf was there, and a trusty Dwarf, and various other hazy characters, and Jesus Christ was there. Apparently he had "took an interest." I was carrying around the One Ring, which (again, apparently) had been undestroyed. But it seemed to be behaving differently. For instance. Even though it was super-secret, I seemed to be wearing it on my hand most of the time (instead of keeping it tucked away) - but it didn't turn me invisible like in the movies. Instead, it had a random assortment of ill-defined powers. I know that I was able to command dogs, although I never actually had the opportunity. And at one point, when someone threw his sword at me from across a cliff, I raised my fist and blocked the sword with the Ring...which naturally caused bolts of lightning to fly out of the ring and fry the sword-flinger where he stood. I'm not sure if the same trick would work with arrows. It might have been sword-specific.
So the Dwarf and I (it wasn't Gimli, but it was definitely a real Tolkien Dwarf - albeit one dressed for some kind of embossed-rune Ren-Faire Dwarf fashion show. That dude's costume was asinine!)...so, anyway, the Dwarf and I were walking along the hall back to our room, after the big meeting, and arguing about whether or not that had really been Jesus Christ. Dwarf was convinced it was, and pointed out (in his rich Dwarvish accent) "Of course it was, laddie - dinna ya see his WINGS?" At which point, in flashback, I suddenly realized that at certain points during the conference, Jesus did indeed have translucent, soft-glow wings fading in and out of view. Which I most definitely hadn't noticed at the time. At any rate, that settled the point decisively.
Then something happened and we all had to tear-ass out of there (except for Jesus Christ, who wasn't actually going on the quest), along a cliff and towards the parking lot, all the while being harried and chased by...some dudes who were clearly not Orcs. They were dressed in these bulky black outfits with big black squarish helmets that obscured their face. "Servants of the Enemy!" Gandalf helpfully supplied. These guys were driving old-timey automobiles that had been built about twice as large and three times as long as usual, and fitted out for war.
I swear to God I am not making any of this up.
We were able to make it to the parking lot and pile into our big old-timey auto, and from there the chase was on anew. It got pretty convoluted after that. We ended up at a house. I remember Gandalf was trying to microwave a cat, and I was saying to myself, "should I be trying to stop him? Or is this just part of the movie?"
I don't remember how it all wound up. I just remember that all through the thing, I was feeling really embarrassed to be involved.
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