AT&T Won't Give You the Time of Day

"At the sound of the tone, Pacific Daylight Time will be..."

For decades if not generations, the soothing voice of that woman would be there any time of day, to give you the time of day. All you had to do was call POP-CORN. That's 767-2676. That spells "POP-CORN," because in phone-button parlance, each number corresponds to three letters. This leads to some legitimate questions: why do we say it spells "POP-CORN" and not (for instance) "ROS-COSM"? But in any case, you would call up POP-CORN and there she was. Beeping incessantly. Every ten seconds!

But no more! Not unless you live in Nevada. AT&T has discontinued the service. Well I say, it sounds to me like somebody's getting too cocky! Somebody needs to be taken down a peg! Where's the government on this one? Isn't this a violation of their Monopoly agreement? How dare they act, with impunity, in a monopolistic fashion, to discontinue a vital service upon which so many Americans rely, when struck with power outages or too stupid to wear a watch?

Frankly it is as if some bell has tolled, sounding the knell for the passing of a bygone age. Prompting the admonition: "Ask not, for whom the sound of the tone sounds...it beeps for thee."

What a weak ending. I could have wrapped that up better.