Maybe needy isn't the word. I don't know what it is. I'm always experiencing these powerful urges to reach out to people in a way that will probably only make them uncomfortable. The people who make my life bearable, you know? People who I do need in my life and who just...people who I love. I want to tell them how much they mean to me, and there's no really socially acceptable pretext for me to express that. To just come out and say it. But that's the urge I have. I fear that they have no idea how much they mean to me. And they probably do care for me too! I mean, that's stupid - I know they do. Or at least appreciate having me around, but to have me make a big point out of it would clearly...I mean, sure, I know that would not be viewed as a comfortable thing to do. The reaction, even if they on the surface say "Oh, yeah, sure...definitely, yeah - you too!" - inside they are going to feel "and you're telling me this now why?"
It's going to put them off.
Why do I even keep feeling the need to share this weird, needy, cripplingly...clingy feeling? I never do - I fight it down every time. Why does it keep welling back up? I know this person or that person neither needs nor wants to have me make some big point of what they mean to me.
But what if they have no idea? Shouldn't they know?
What if nobody knows.
I LOVE YOU ALL
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