In 1998, a team of archivists working in Tunisia, cataloguing recently-unearthed archaeological treasures, were astounded by a remarkable find: a trove of ancient manuscripts of Socratic Dialogues, including fragments of more than six previously unknown to scholarship.
As the details of the discovery have slowly come to light, debate over the authorship of these works has raged to a standstill. Some claim Plato as author. Others point to stylistic quirks and themes not present in Plato's bona fide canon, that would tend to cast doubt on his authorship. Plato partisans respond with a theory that it was the frank, explicit themes of these Dialogues that led to their suppression by later, more circumspect, more censorious ages. Another vocal faction postulates an unnamed student of Plato, emulating his master's style. But whatever the provenance of these works, no one disputes that they date from Antiquity. The window they provide into certain frank facets of Greek life is inarguably fascinating.
Not all of these works have as yet been translated and released to the English-reading public, but tantalizing excerpts have been made available through certain channels. I am very pleased to be able to share one such excerpt with you today.
As the details of the discovery have slowly come to light, debate over the authorship of these works has raged to a standstill. Some claim Plato as author. Others point to stylistic quirks and themes not present in Plato's bona fide canon, that would tend to cast doubt on his authorship. Plato partisans respond with a theory that it was the frank, explicit themes of these Dialogues that led to their suppression by later, more circumspect, more censorious ages. Another vocal faction postulates an unnamed student of Plato, emulating his master's style. But whatever the provenance of these works, no one disputes that they date from Antiquity. The window they provide into certain frank facets of Greek life is inarguably fascinating.
Not all of these works have as yet been translated and released to the English-reading public, but tantalizing excerpts have been made available through certain channels. I am very pleased to be able to share one such excerpt with you today.
(EXCERPT)
Phaeto. And how stands it with you then, Socrates, when the tale I have heard of you is that you use not the urinal at any time, but frequent only the stall in your relievings? Is it right that a man pass water as a woman does, sitting; as a child or a Theban does, and not standing proudly while his stream passes out from him? Or do you fear exposure in some way, that you must wall yourself in privacy while you do your ordinary business? Is there then, finally, any shame in doing only what must be done? How speak you? I pray you do not adjudge my words a challenge, or rebuke me with a charge of insolence, but accept the question as your famed wisdom has always accepted all questions. I ask only that same question which has always occupied us: in life, what is right for a man to do?
Socrates. Well, anytime I'm making for the restroom, I always go for the stall. Always. There's nothing to hide there; no shame in it. Only simple practicality. At any time I may go in with the intention to piss only; only to find out once I'm in there that I also have to shit, puke, or do drugs. With the stall, you're covered every which way. The urinal just isn't always adequate to the purpose.
Theophates. Teacher Socrates, you in your wisdom always speak plain, not deigning to crown your speech with flowered wreaths and gaudy laurels. Yet in this case I cannot believe you have considered your words in the fullness of their meaning and import! I beg you do not think me rash in so saying; yet hear my objections first. Is it right to hog the stall, if the restroom has only one stall and a whole row of urinals? If one feels going in that the issue will be yellow only, and not brown? Surely when one has to go yellow, even if one then subsequently feels the opportunity to go brown - a man can master his own body if he be not in his extremity! Socrates, you see that I will state my meaning even as plain as my master's example. But Socrates, is it not righteousness to reserve the stall only unto its need, so that those who may have the greater need will not be shut out needlessly? And what then, if while at the urinal one feels a deeper urge? One can always repair to the stall thereafter. It will not be a great inconvenience if one has to wait. In a healthy man, the urgent, painful need does not come upon one unawares, suddenly, of an instant, but builds only gradually to an urgency. Surely it can not be right for a man who is in no distress to bar the way of the man who is?
Hebocrakes. And what is this you speak of drugs?
Phaeto. Speak not out of turn, Hebocrakes.
Hebocrakes. Brother Phaeto, worthy Socrates, friends and elders I beg pardon. What was it but that my mind was thrown all in disorder by this sudden talk of drugs? But step over my too-forward question. I will hold my tongue, and study upon the wisdom of those who speak, as is seemly and befitting my youth.
Socrates. Youth, Hebocrakes, has more to teach us on these matters perhaps than old age does. Yet we will return to those wide, easy plains later in our journey. First, I must attempt the craggy heights staked out by you, good Theophates. As you said, you have stated your case in plain words, and I will answer in like manner. Have you not, in your own days of youth, heard the tale of the Titan, Myrios? Who, finding himself awarded no portion of great Saturn's bequest, was forced to wander bootless in the wilds, down through the ages, with neither charge nor destiny to guide him? In those days when Athens was a mere village of rude huts, this disguised and humble wanderer found it hospitable enough. Who among us does not know the tale by heart? And again, Demalis was fair indeed - to those who approached her from the front! But if you or I met her now, we would be at mortal pains to avoid seeing her from her back side, lest the fate of Bophus overtake us too in our turn. When the thousand Helgonauts came down to parley at Thrace, it was only Phemeter whose voice could appease them, speaking thus and thus-*
~ The rest of the Dialogue of Shitias has been lost. ~
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