Signs I'm Lying.

Alright! SWEET! So these are among the little unconscious tipoffs that people who know look for to determine whether someone is lying. I'm going to memorize every damn one of these and start slipping them into my repertoire of looks and poses whenever possible, in whatever conversational context. I always tell the truth anyway - I'm pathologically honest - but with THESE little moves going for me, those who subscribe to these tipoffs will be befuddled and flummoxed! "Wait - he's lying!! But why??!!"

That'll show the pompous nimrods. Thinking a cheap little pack of dime-store psychology tricks gives them the trumps on everyone else's truthfulness! Meanwhile, those innocent of the whole technique will be none the wiser. They'll just be like...that guy sure has an itchy nose.

Heh heh heh heh!

Deceit tipoffs (compiled from reputable sources):

VERBAL BEHAVIOR
* monotonous tone, garbled words or syntax, mumbling or speaking softly
* uncomfortable with silences, pauses etc - so may speak more than usual, with needless details or repetition
* incorporates your words into their answer. Example: "Did you blah blah yadda blah?" "No, I did not blah blah yadda blah."
* avoids contractions. Example: "I did not blah blah yadda blah."
* avoids direct statements, implying rather than directly denying or asserting. Example: "Why on Earth would I blah blah yadda blah?"
* avoids a subject using humor or sarcasm

BODY LANGUAGE
* avoids eye contact
* stiff, limited facial expression
* touching of mouth, face or throat.
* repeated scratching or touching nose, or behind the ear
* arm and hand movements limited, and are generally towards their own body (taking up less space)
* unlikely to touch chest/heart with an open hand

EMOTIONAL REACTIONS
* timing seems off: person makes a "happy/positive" statement, then smiles after making the statement rather than at the same time. OR person's emotional response seems to linger longer than natural, then stops suddenly.
* reaction seems contradictory: person makes "happy" statement but is frowning, for example.
* reaction limited to mouth rather than involving whole face

WHEN ACCUSED/CONFRONTED
* gets defensive
* turns away head or body
* unconsciously places objects between themselves and their interlocutor, or retreats behind a barrier (e.g. a desk)
* TRY SUDDENLY CHANGING THE SUBJECT! The liar may gratefully go along, the truthful person may return to the subject to get resolution on the accusation.

So yeah. Wait 'til I try this out. I'm going to be using it ALL THE TIME.

The tough part will be remembering all that crap! I want to be able to cram in as many as possible (unobtrusively).

Admittedly, I kind of half-knew most of these already (I read women's magazines in waiting rooms), but I was waiting to gather together a more comprehensive approach before I "went for it." Not that the above list is complete. There's a ton of other stuff. There's that whole involved thing of whether your eyes are looking up to the left or to the right, but frankly, it's too complicated - depending on handedness and other factors, and the purity of my handedness or brainedness (right/left-wise) has always been a little bit mixed up frankly. Plus, I can never remember whether it's my right or their right?

So I'll start with the basics. See if I can flush out any suckers.

OOOoo, I just had a great idea on the best place to use these! Theological discussions (or any other discussion where the truth value is essentially unprovable). The person would be like, "how can he possibly be lying about the purpose and nature of Christ's sacrifice?!" They'd be forced to conclude that I've got some kind of inside scoop.

Which I do.