Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Conference Room Tips For The Meeting Group Leader #1: Avoiding Derailment

We now join a typical business meeting already in progress...

SPEAKER 1: We need to be clearer on the goals, here: the old goals won't work for this project. We need more than just hand-massaged reportage and spin. We need data that has built-in self-validation protocols that are reproducible and fully licid, capable of transposition across multiple design environments. We can't just rely on bald anecdote and idiometric measurements alone - not anymore. What I'm talking about is a fully-scaled, fully-networked, 21st century cross-bridged paradigm that will advance our prospects and serve our clients by, if necessary, dragging them kicking and screaming into the light of a vastly-improved business model.

SPEAKER 2: Idiometric? What's that?

SPEAKER 1: How's that?

SPEAKER 3: Did you just say "idiometric"?

SPEAKER 1: No, I said "vastly-improved business model."

SPEAKER 3: I swore you said idiometric.

SPEAKER 1: Either you misheard or I misspoke, because I definitely did not say "idiometric." It's not in my notes.

SPEAKER 2: I only asked because - I like the sound of it, I think we could use that.

SPEAKER 4: As far as I know there is no such word as idiometric, however there are indications that the importance of idiometric paradigms will become more and more prominent as the meaning of the word itself becomes more defined and prevalent within the industry.

SPEAKER 3: I agree - good word.

SPEAKER 2 (to Speaker 3): What would you think it means?

SPEAKER 1: I recommend a sidebar on this issue, please. Johnson, set up a 2pm on Tuesday with the Marketing Technical Group to discuss the meanings, applications and speculative etymology of this potential word. Attendees?

SPEAKER 3: I'm there.

SPEAKER 2: Definitely!

SPEAKER 4: Put me down.

SPEAKER 6: ... [ inaudible ]

SPEAKER 5 (now identified as "Johnson"): Do you want a trademark search?

SPEAKER 1: Yes, but if it's clean we won't want to go that route. Once we have a handle on it we'll want to start promoting it to the jargon community and get it infiltrated into the literature as if it were already in use. Just a word like any other.

JOHNSON 5: Done.

SPEAKER 1: Thank you all, now I'd like to get this meeting back on track if you will. The specific parameters...

You can see what happened there. It happens all the time. An exciting idea comes up, people begin to get invested in this new line of thought, and soon the focus of the meeting has been derailed.

Don't let it happen. Call a sidebar, set some parameters, get a team together, and then TABLE IT until that time - so you can get back to the pressing business at hand.

Remember: it's YOUR meeting to run. YOU are the one in control.

NOTE: if YOU are not the one in control, just shut up and pay attention will you? You don't even...there's no reason for you to be reading this.

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