There's no fucking milk! What the fuck! How am I supposed to drink milk if there isn't any fucking milk? It's absurd, it's preposterous - it can't be done!
Here I am with a slice of home-made fucking apple pie, and the only thing I could have suitable to drink with it would be if I go brew up a pot of black coffee. If it was cherry pie, that might be worth the trouble! Cherry pie, black coffee - perfect match! But apple pie, let alone home-made apple pie...really, that cries out for milk, like...like a 2-week-old brat at four in the god-damned morning! And not only is the pie home-made, but these apples look and taste just like the small apples that come off the tree out in the back garden! I wonder if somebody gave somebody else a bag of our own apples and then she baked our own apples into a pie for us? What a sweet fucking deal!!! Or it would be. It would be if there were some fucking MILK TO GO WITH IT!!
Check me on this, but I'm pretty sure the primary purpose of a refrigerator is to keep milk cold. Well, you can't exactly keep it cold if there's none in there can you? Whoever is responsible for making sure there's milk in there really shit the tux on this one. I'm not saying it wasn't my responsibility, but I tell you what - there's always fresh milk in there, and I am never the one to put it in. So that right there looks like pretty damning evidence that I am not the one to blame for this fiasco!
Holy shit! I hardly EVER even drink milk! Maybe with a pop-tart, or pour a little on some grape nuts or to have with waffles. But all of that is pretty rare. Yet the milk never fails to be there when I don't want it! And now? When there's pie to be had????? NO MILK!!!! ARRRRRRRGGH!!!!!
We're going to have to straighten some things up around here. Shit.
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