There's only one way for Tom Cruise to rehabilitate his struggling image: with a big-budget crowd-pleasing blockbuster film that makes a ton of money. And as we know, what's big now? Superhero flicks.
I've got a script that's a win-win, both for Cruise's tarnished box-office clout and for his cherished, deeply-held beliefs. Get ready world: TOM CRUISE IS...The SCIENTOLOGER.
That's right! You already get the idea, but let me lay it out for you. Hot young WASP actor struggles to make good amidst the petty backbiting and personal reversals that make up life in Hollywood. Then one evening without warning, this mild-mannered and deeply heterosexual golden boy ends up caught in a freak explosion, or doused with meteor dust from planet Exo Spangula, or bitten by a radioactive Scientologist...we're still workshopping the particulars...the upshot of it all is that suddenly he spontaneously attains all the core innermost precepts of Scientology, instantly "going clear," destroying his reactive mind, and becoming endowed with abilities well beyond those which he normally considers he possesses!
He then launches a one-man campaign to right wrongs brought upon the weak and gullible by various misguided aspects of society such as psychiatry, or the mentally ill, or the pregnant. Wait. Scratch that, it would be even better if he concentrated on battling colorful costumed adversaries such as evil mastermind Doctor Engram, or The Scientologer's dread arch-nemesis, Suppressive Person.
Watch out, evildoers! This Summer, for The Scientologer - the bad guys are "Fair Game"!
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