Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Special Guest Shot #5: My First Super Hero!

dogimo: Welcome to another Special Guest Shot. Super heroes are blowing up all over these days, and I couldn't be more excited to introduce you to this guy, the first Super Hero I've yet had the pleasure to meet in person. This imposingly muscular and colorfully-garbed masked avenger goes by the nom de guerre 'Vambrace'!

Vambrace: Hello, citizens!

dogimo: Hello, Vambrace. What are your powers?

Vambrace: I get that question a lot. I have no powers, actually. I'm more in the "noble vigilante" hero tradition, the whole "pinnacle of human ability" shtick. I may not be able to fly or generate zap rays, but I inspire respect and admiration with my shining moral code as I defeat evil by dint of valor, determination, fighting prowess, and main strength.

dogimo: Not super strength?

Vambrace: No, just main strength. Mainly.

dogimo: Good one! So, just how tough are you? Could you take Batman? In a fight?

Vambrace: Okay, see - I understand and respect that within the geek community, Batman is now supposed to have become some invincible sociopath for justice, who can beat anybody no matter what they have going for them, but let me tell you...the Batman I grew up on was played by Adam West.

dogimo: Gotcha.

Vambrace: That's the real Batman. And I can definitely beat him.

dogimo: Well, he's like, eighty.

Vambrace: I mean, at his height.

dogimo: I can see it. I can definitely see it, when you put it in those terms. So you mention the geek community - what's your relationship to the geek community? Got an fans? Got any...?

Vambrace: Groupies...? Haha, no, no. It's funny, you'd think the geeks would love the real heroes, but they really only seem to go in for the fictional superheroes. By and large, they steer shy of the real deal crusaders like me. But I'm not criticizing - reality can be harsh, it's a tough world out there on the streets. I don't fault them for their avoidance tactics.

dogimo: See, that's what I like: a sense of fairness. So what's with the costume? Tell us about that.

Vambrace: Well, as you can see... [ holds up arms ]

dogimo: Yes, vambraces. And over the rest of your costume as well, your chest has this sort of...vambrace...

Vambrace: ...vambrace-like emblem...

dogimo: ...vambrace-like device that's...

Vambrace: "Device" is precisely the word, although my chest plate has no moving parts and isn't a gizmo like you'd think of when you hear "device," it is in fact a device almost in the sense of a heraldric [sic] device. It represents me, and is a symbol of my vambraces.

dogimo: Which in turn...what is the deal with the vambraces, what do they symbolize?

Vambrace: Oh, they symbolize strength, protection, my vambraces symbolize my preparedness for the struggle and the way I stand between harm's way and...

dogimo: ...and the tender unprotected forearm of society?

Vambrace: A bit flip, but I'll take it.

dogimo: So you've got the true vambraces, on your arms, you've got the vambrace-device chest plate, a couple vambraces on your feet to cover the instep, two for your shins...

Vambrace: "Schynbalds," technically, but for our purposes...

dogimo: I thought it was "greaves"?

Vambrace: Those would cover front and back.

dogimo: Ah! So why not just get yourself a great big vambrace that you could hold and use as a shield?

Vambrace: That would be taking it too far, I think. Plus, those things aren't nearly as useful as they appear to be in the comics. In a comic book, you can go through a 3-panel training montage at the bottom of a page - supposedly representing a few months' intensive drilling - and by the next page you're capable of caroming a shield off three walls, disarming and/or concussing four men in the process and "fap!" back snug into your gloved hand on the final bounce. In reality, it wouldn't take months. It wouldn't take - it would take you permanent daily practice for the rest of your life and you still couldn't do that! The physics -

dogimo: Yeah.

Vambrace: Besides, at that point it's more of an offensive tool. My motif is more defense.

dogimo: Protect the helpless.

Vambrace: Precisely.

dogimo: So how do you go about that? How do you manage to be there when danger strikes, to thwart the foe and save the day? Do you have a signal system, a network of informants? A blinking red phone?

Vambrace: Well...actually that part has been a bit of a challenge. Crime in this community is...we have crime here, of course! Crime is everywhere. There is always crime. But this is not a community with a lot of "high concept" crime, or even high-profile crime. Not a lot of masked thugs, or even bank robbers...

dogimo: Would you defeat bank robbers, though? I mean, they'd have guns probably, and hostages?

Vambrace: True, no, not with bank robbers. I have to let the police do their job, there. Bank robbers, you can't...I can't just barge in recklessly, trying to be a hero. Possibly risk getting innocents killed. That's irresponsible.

dogimo: Of course, if asked to lend your assistance...?

Vambrace: Of course! Certainly, I would coordinate with police efforts and help in any that way I can.

dogimo: So what do you do, then, what's your usual mode of operation when fighting evil day-to-day?

Vambrace: Well, most importantly, I stand for something. I see myself as a shining beacon of right and justice. I like to think that the citizens of this community can look up to that, and feel safer, knowing that I'm there looking out for the cause of good.

dogimo: I feel safer just hearing you say that.

Vambrace: Thanks!

~ End of Part 1 ~

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