The Latest Thinking On The Environment

I think 60% of the problem is this whole top half/bottom half confusion. Half the time the earth doesn't know which way is up, or whether it's coming or going! We need standardization.

To standardize the problem, we should institute uniform seasons across all halves of the globe, whether Northern, Southern, Eastern and Western. We can't have every half off doing its own thing while the other halves suffer! It's absurd to have snow in July, in Australia, while meanwhile the top portion of the globe is behaving properly!

That's what I think. For far too long, things have been going on long enough. And now it's time for a change - and the change we need is to make everything the same! That's just what's fair for everybody. And while this is not at its core a religious issue, CHRISTMAS SHOULD ALWAYS BE IN WINTER, DAMMIT.

Did God pick the wintertime to be born into Bethlehem, only to have Australia say, "Uh-uh, God! Santa wants to deliver our presents on a surf-board while the sun is shining - not on a sleigh in the icy dead of winter's night!"? Such a view is confused at best.

It also denies the legitimate function of reindeer in Christian mythology. When I get to heaven, I don't want to have to be the one to have to look St. Rudolph in the eye and tell him that I could have done my part to battle the marginalization of his bright-nosed namesake, but I chose not to get involved. What will YOU say when that day comes??

Now, I'm pretty sure there is a St. Rudolph. I'm not saying I know what his area is or anything. But the name itself has a faintly saintly ring to it. It would be pretty sweet if he turned out to be the patron saint of illumination or something along those lines!

Although wait - come to think of it, that might have been the Archangel Lucifer's province. Which...if so, I can see how they might want to just...leave that post vacant. It'd be a little awkward.