Satan Hates Puppies

It's true. Satan HATES PUPPIES.

But you know what? That's just about what I expect from that guy.

Here's a few other little-known-facts about Satan:

• In hell, Satan prefers to go by not "chief" or "boss" or some such, but "Sug'". Like as in short for "sugar", but how a Southern person might say it. Anyone who addresses him otherwise gets a swift crack of the whip and a shouted growl from a helpful Reminder Demon: "YOU SHALL ADDRESS THE MASTER AS 'SUG'! NO OTHER FORM OF ADDRESS! YOU UNDERSTAND!"

• Satan was a big fan of the Sci-Fi Original Series “Earth: Final Conflict” and is still bitter over its cancelation. Satan blames God directly, for the fact that it was canceled. Even though Satan knows how it works.

• To this day, Satan considers his expulsion from heaven as ultimately down to his simply being “too sexy for heaven.”

• Satan has a number of secret dossiers about some of the other archangels from “way back in the day” – but has refused to reveal their contents to the tabloids, even despite a pretty frenzied bidding war a few years back.

• Satan is not a fan of any college or professional sports franchise in any organized sports league, except for the Los Angeles Galaxy of Major League Soccer.

• Satan is a voracious reader, who is absolutely not to be disturbed when he’s reading. Upon penalty of...well, best not to get into those things.

• Satan reads the bible all the time! No one in Hell knows why (and it's a little unnerving, frankly!). Perhaps he’s looking for loopholes.