First of all let me say this: I hate clowns. I hate them and everything they stand for, except for balloons. Furthermore, I personally guarantee you as a tolerant-minded, non-judgmental Christian man that in my opinion, ALL CLOWNS GO TO HELL.
However, I am able to separate these purely religious beliefs from what I know of American virtues and values, and I can step back, take a hard look at it dispassionately and say this: these pasty-faced freaks with their technicolor cheeks, mouths and noses deserve protection. Just like any minority, clowns face discrimination wherever they go. In bars. In the workplace (circuses perhaps excluded).
Even just out in public, people like me knock them down every chance we get. Cyclists cut them off whenever they try to use their unicycles in the bike lane. Cops pull their little cars over and write a ticket for every unbelted passenger - not only a clear case of profiling, but those tickets can run into the thousands of dollars! It is not the fault of clowns that automobile manufacturers do not provide ample seatbelts for up to two dozen passengers.
I believe that equal protection for clowns is implicit in several key clauses of the Constitution. Now some may say: these clowns chose their lifestyle. Therefore they deserve no protection. I dispute this. Recent research into genetics indicates that no one is to blame for anything they do, and that includes clowns.
I spit on clowns. I admit it. But maybe, just maybe, in a land like this of ours...I shouldn't be allowed to do it.
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