In the ol' days, before mankind and womenkind come along, God got bored waiting and used to roam the universe like an enormous BEAR. With a big, round, furry belly and fat, stumpy limbs! God always liked roamin' around the overgrown paths of stars and comet's orbits, nosin' into stinky sweet nebulas with a happy ol' expression on his big bear face, a-rubbin' and a-scratchin' his big ol' sides up against stars and such, rubbing the bark right off them. In fact, this is why Sirius still has no bark what so ever.
Well one time, way back in those same old days, God come up agains' a BLACK HOLE and said "I hears yous the KING OF WRASSLIN', Mista B. Holes! Aw so's you calls yo'self!! Well I's GOD! Whatchoo say 'bout THAT!! Let's WRASSLE!!"
So the black hole said "no sir, God - that's my bigger brother you're talking about - he's over there in the dark patch of that nebula yonder." God said "Thankee kind, sir Holes! I'll mosey over and have a wrassle with your brother yonder then!"
"HEY, brother yonder! This heah's GOD! I hears yous the KING OF WRASSLIN' by admission of your littler brother back thataway! What says you to that! I'm a-warnin' ya, though - I's GOD! I don'ts tolerates no braggin' wrasslers in MY domain what don't either bow down or throw down! I's had at the biggestes and the strongestes and ain't never been bested yet!!"
Well, bigger brother black hole said, "sure it'd be an honor God, to wrassle a spell with your glory hosannaness, but I believe you mean my Biggest Brother over yonder! He's the KING OF WRASSLIN' according to his own account - he takes all comers and wrassles 'em down, and he's never let go of one since!"
Well, this was sure enough for God to hear. He sets his shoulders and lumbers over infinitely in the indicated direction, until up he comes to the BIGGEST brother a Black Hole EVER had! Then God sits his self down on them hairy haunches of his and sizes up this next opponent:
"WELL!! I do believe you's the BIGGEST BROTHER Black Hole, and self-described KING OF THE WRASSLERS by your own account! Now I say BOW DOWN or THROW DOWN! I's GOD!"
No tale teller's tale records exactly what happened next, but we're all pretty sure of one thing: that was one pretty epic wrasslin' match!
Well one time, way back in those same old days, God come up agains' a BLACK HOLE and said "I hears yous the KING OF WRASSLIN', Mista B. Holes! Aw so's you calls yo'self!! Well I's GOD! Whatchoo say 'bout THAT!! Let's WRASSLE!!"
So the black hole said "no sir, God - that's my bigger brother you're talking about - he's over there in the dark patch of that nebula yonder." God said "Thankee kind, sir Holes! I'll mosey over and have a wrassle with your brother yonder then!"
"HEY, brother yonder! This heah's GOD! I hears yous the KING OF WRASSLIN' by admission of your littler brother back thataway! What says you to that! I'm a-warnin' ya, though - I's GOD! I don'ts tolerates no braggin' wrasslers in MY domain what don't either bow down or throw down! I's had at the biggestes and the strongestes and ain't never been bested yet!!"
Well, bigger brother black hole said, "sure it'd be an honor God, to wrassle a spell with your glory hosannaness, but I believe you mean my Biggest Brother over yonder! He's the KING OF WRASSLIN' according to his own account - he takes all comers and wrassles 'em down, and he's never let go of one since!"
Well, this was sure enough for God to hear. He sets his shoulders and lumbers over infinitely in the indicated direction, until up he comes to the BIGGEST brother a Black Hole EVER had! Then God sits his self down on them hairy haunches of his and sizes up this next opponent:
"WELL!! I do believe you's the BIGGEST BROTHER Black Hole, and self-described KING OF THE WRASSLERS by your own account! Now I say BOW DOWN or THROW DOWN! I's GOD!"
No tale teller's tale records exactly what happened next, but we're all pretty sure of one thing: that was one pretty epic wrasslin' match!
Comments
I've always considered the story of Br'er Rabbit and Tar Baby to be a wonderful allegory of the theoretical physics involved in the extremes of spacetime-bending gravity that exist at and beyond the event horizon of a black hole.
This humble tale above is meant as a further exploration of that same theme, only with a more overtly theistic spin - and ditching all the hard physics symbolism that tended to bog down the original for some people.