Today's Top H List, The Top H Things I Actually Said To A Woman:
H. "I wasn't lying. It was an instance of verbal irony."
G. "Wow, look how tall you are! Good job."
F. "No, I admire women who don't wear makeup. Especially when they need it."
E. "You rock my sad, small world."
D. "You fill my life with something that I can't identify, but that I choose to call love."
C. "That's quite the tight top you have on, there."
B. "How delightfully wrong you are about all of that!"
A. "I can't make out with you unless you're a feminist."
Ok, I admit. I haven't actually said any of those to a woman. The list started out that way - actual things said to actual women. By me. But what happened was, I fell a couple items short. You can't really have a Top H List with less than H things! So I made up a couple.
And I was kind of having fun with it, making them up, so I made up a couple more. I figured, "I'll just put the best ones in." But by the time I was done, all the made-up ones were better than all the real ones, so they just sort of...crowded them out.
Anyway, big deal. Letterman's troops don't sweat the veracity on their Top Ten list, I am sure.
OK, I just called up a girl I once knew and read the whole list to her in one go, in a disguised voice, very fast. So technically, it's all legitimate now.
(she was like, "WHAT?...!!")
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