25 Things Not Necessarily About Me

During the composition of the previous post, there were a number (25) of items rejected for a wide range of reasons, some of which will be self-evident, others possibly obscure. Therefore we here at Consider Your Ass Kicked! present 25 Things Not Necessarily About Me:

1. Primitive minds welcome me as their liberator.
2. My whole lifestyle is rooted in my fear of others.
3. I set an example for the young and the old alike.
4. I “show my ass” on many an occasion.
5. What happens in my house stays in my house.
6. My soul does not fit comfortably in my body.
7. No one who beats me will savor it for long.
8. All my life, I have been dogged by feelings of personal responsibility.
9. If I was sent back in time to kill Hitler, but was accidentally sent too far back in time, I would try to find everyone related to Hitler and kill them instead.
10. When danger strikes, I leap into action!
11. I crave buffalo wings.
12. I have been a fool for love.
13. I am constantly under attack from the spirit world.
14. People steal my ideas and then blame me when they fail.
15. If I were given a medal for something that I had no control over, I would still wear it proudly.
16. What I do with my tongue is my business.
17. I am a shining example to criminals.
18. I would kill myself if I thought I could “get away with it.”
19. I produce urine and feces in equal amounts.
20. I routinely complete impossible tasks with breathtaking ease.
21. I am a big believer in utensils.
22. Sometimes, my hands just want to slap people.
23. If I were to attend a party where poor-quality food and drinks were being served, I would surely give the host a good “dressing-down.”
24. I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
25. I am more sexually competent than others I know.