I do not want to be the center of my universe. I really don't! I could care less about such merely positional considerations. I'm fine hovering over to the side, or wherever I'm needed most. See, I want to be an instrument of divine will. I mean, I already am - you better believe it! But I don't want to have to think about it so much. I want it to come second-nature to me, at some point. I want to learn more and more, and think more and more about what love means and life means, so that eventually I will know what to do with my life because I will know what's right. Just by instinct. I want to achieve instinct.
I really want to help people, but I don't know how. See, the problem is, I don't secretly believe that God has any actual specific plan for me. Maybe I just need to trick my mind into believing that!
Hey, don't mistake me: this is not about wanting to be a better person. I'm already a better person. I'm a better person on like, a permanently recursive circuit. I'm not just a better person, I'm like: better, personified. I have no qualms about it, either. But the fact that I already am a better person doesn't satisfy, somehow. And no, it's not about getting "even better"! I told you: I already am better. Mission accomplished. But what do I do with that? That's the eternal question of the moment.
I mean, on some level I already know the answer to that one, too. I guess just like to throw a little angst around, from time to time. Some people grind their teeth in their sleep, I wring my hands.
It's important to do what you can.
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