THAT Was A Burger!

Man. I should have took a picture of that for you guys, before I ate it! There wasn't time.

Say, any vegetarians might want to skip the rest of this post. Picture or no picture.

It was huge. This burger weighed a pound. Dropped it raw onto a hot, salted skillet, let it sit and spit and sizzle 4.5 minutes, scoot the spatula under, one flip, drop the fat disc of raw onion on halfway through side B's 4 minutes, remove onion, place onion on (well-ketchuped) bottom bun, deftly lift and convey BIG HONKIN' burger, placing burger on top of ketchuped-and-onioned bun (done-side onion in towards the burger, to merger creamily into the par-charred patty; raw-side onion out towards the well-ketchuped bun, therein to well-mingle its onionness with onion's own natural saucemate: ketchup!). 

Bun's a misnomer. I found myself bunless. No bun for the burg. What did I do? I made a bold choice, that's what I did. You guessed it: I reached into the freezer, pulled out two (2) FROZEN BELGIAN WAFFLES, toasted 'em up. That became the bread for the burger! 

And what a happy solution to hit on. Let me tell you - these belgian waffles can stand up to the dense meatiness and the juice of a perfect, big juicy burger. Not only that, when you look at one of these things, they seem almost custom-engineered for the purpose! They have the most high-capacity built-in ketchup reservoirs you could ask for. NEVER have I successfully cajoled that much ketchup onto a burger! And rightfully so. That burger weighed a pound. An extra metric kilodollop's worth of Delicious Sauce Substance Code-Name K did not go amiss.  

It was a beauty to behold, bold and blatant in its crisped-exterior, blushing and deeply-thoughtful in its interior juicy-thickness. No lettuce, no mustard, no mayo, no cheese. Just the heft and simplicity of meat, ketchup, half-raw disc of onion, and two belgian waffles. I downed it. It was SO GOOD. Perfect big burger experience. I wish I could have stopped to take a picture.

"Glutton!" spat my inner ascetic. 

"Murderer!" lowed my inner Morrissey. 

"Heretic!" spat my inner burger-bun purist.

"Monster!" kvetched my inner Belgian. 

Shut up you guys. That burger was double-extra damn and you KNOW it.