OK, Mike Tyson versus a cow. Mike wins, right? I mean, sure, he's way past the peak of his game, but he was one of the fiercest hand-to-hand combatants the ring has ever seen and surely a lot of that training and technique is still in him, too deep to be entirely forgotten as the glory fades and the softness of age seeps into sinews.
Whereas, what does the cow have? The cow is a docile animal. Its instinct isn't to fight. Sure, they do get ornery from time to time and mess some farmer up pretty bad, but Mike Tyson isn't a farmer. And we're not talking some narrow cattle-chute here, where you get trapped between a panicky animal and a hard place. We're talking about a real bout in a ring, with room for each combatant to maneuver. What's the cow going to do? Sure, it can stand in and take a lot of punishment - we're talking an animal that can weigh between 600 and 1500 pounds depending on breed and feed, way out of Mike's weight class even now - but ultimately, what's it going to do? Hit you with its head? Bite you?
A cow bite is no joke, but neither is Mike Tyson's (his head butt neither). And Mike has two big weapons the cow doesn't have: his fists. As to the rest of its body, the cow doesn't really know how to use it to advantage in a big-time prime-time pay-per-view matchup situation. So I think we can say that in a straight up fight, ordinary cow versus ordinary Mike Tyson, Mike Tyson wins.
But what if the cow were trained? Yeah, that's right. Mike was trained - give the cow that same advantage! Imagine a cow, trained up from calfhood to wield its body and head for advantage in a fight! A combat-savvy cow, as opposed to one whose first instinct might be to just thrash around and/or mosey on out of there. Imagine a real contender cow: 1,500 lbs of brute bovine power, animated with an almost olympic level of cow-style fighting skill - trained in so deep it's like second nature. A cow like that would be some kind of unstoppable monster.
Sorry, Mike. The cow takes it.
4 comments:
My money is on the untrained bovine! I've seen a scared steer jump a 6 ft. wall into the crowd at a cattle sale. I've seen an angry cow send a grown man flying through the air when she felt threatened. And, I've seen crazy steers bowl through men like pins sending them flying or mowing them down. Sure, he might land a good punch on some kids 4-H steer but I doubt he'd faze it...cattle are so aggravating! I expect Mike would throw in the towel if he were snotted on, shat upon, and crushed a few times. But we'll give him a job if he's looking. We're loading cattle every week this time of year. :)
Yeah, but I'm talking cows not steers! I mean, a steer is practically as strong as an ox.
Ahem.
#1 at fighting you are, Joe, an expert on cows you are not.
:-)
Mel/Pc
Well, I've beaten a few in my time. So I figure, Iron Mike? He's got a shot.
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