I've been going to a lot of shows alone, but it isn't any cheaper, since I still buy two. I don't mind paying more to support a good cause - touring bands are a good cause - and to leave a door open. I am open like a Wiccan lighting a candle! Open to the universe, open for it to live up to its rep for abundance and infinity. And hey, it's worked out sweet a couple times. At least in terms of an enjoyable show and a pleasant evening, if not in terms of a prize catch snag. But that wouldn't have been the point.
The truth is, as open as I am, I'm not really looking. I'm alone and I kind of like it. I mean sure, I know how easy it would be to change my mind if the right woman came along, the right girl, if I were suddenly struck by the right thunderbolt, or for that matter if I were suddenly struck by a bullet or a car, that would do it too! That'd change my mind. I'd be all "AAAAHHHHhhh, don' wanna die ah-LOOOOOOONE!" and the beautiful paramedic would take pity at the great wrenching cry of my soul, and she'd lave my forehead with a cool antiseptic rag, and she'd hold my hand and say impossible, encouraging things and I'd smile at her through teeth clenched in pain, with grateful and courageous eyes, and then we'd be happy together for the rest of my life.
But absent those sorts of low-percentage scenarios, I must admit that realistically, in these in-between phase days, I set the bar impossibly high. Abysmally high. So I'm not really looking, but here's what for:
I want someone to love me who is not in love with my words, or the sound of my voice (I am plenty of that enough for two, already). I want a girl who is in love with the way I walk. I want a girl whose kiss tastes good, and who thinks mine does too. I want a girl who knows what's right and loves what's wrong with me. I want a girl who knows her own opinions. I want a girl who can tell me where I'm wrong, and who considers that a basic act of kindness, a trust. I want a girl who appreciates fantastic oral sex, but who respects the technique of an artist enough not to interfere too much. I want a girl who makes me laugh and shake my head in wonder. Who makes me think, who makes me want to think like her, because I'm a fan and I can't figure out how to do it.
I guess that's not too much to ask. While I don't want a repeat of any of my previous girlfriends, I have been tremendously lucky in love in life. All of my last 5 previous girlfriends have scored high marks against those and more important criteria. The more important criteria, I left off. I think most of those can be assumed, among reasonable adults?
I had to cut the list short anyway, because it was starting to sound like CAKE's "Short Skirt Long Jacket". I've always loved that song - the ludicrous specificity! The love in the details that makes her real, whether she exists or not. It comes across less as wistfulness than clairvoyance. An act of sorcery: conjuring a vision into being. She's changing her name, from Kitty to Karen. She's trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron.
I don't want a girl like the one in that song, though. I'd have to fight that guy for her! And he'd lose, and that'd be kind of a sucky injustice, after he worked so hard on that song and all. Only to have me just show up. Waltz right in.
"Hey Karen. Nice car."
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