So anyway, I was dumb to try to explain. And dumb to post the original post, in retrospect, since all it did was encourage her and feed her self-deceit. But I don't feel bad about trying. For one moment there, she seemed to be really, truly questioning her delusion. She even said that maybe she'd been mistaken about our connection (about it being more than 1-way). I had to at least try to reach out, if she was being sincere about questioning the delusion in which she seems to have unreachably imprisoned herself. But no. She wasn't being sincere. Nothing I say will dent the dome of her invincible lies. Still. At least now I know that it was just another lie, another part of her game - just a trick, just to get me to try. To get me to reach out. So: a lost cause; and I'll leave her to St. Jude.
So where that leaves me:
I've figured out how to hide the junk folder her messages go to in my InBox, so I no longer even need to see the e-mails piling up. Cool!
I went over to her blog and deleted all my comments there. Not fun. Now I have to do the same to her comments in my blog, here, but it's hard to work up enthusiasm for such an extensive task.
It seems ridiculous to me, but as many comments as she's left here, she found it impossible to believe that anybody I know would grow curious about her rather odd affect, and while browsing my blog, click to find their way from mine to hers. She can't believe that's possible - even though the fact that she's excoriated by name several of my commenter's blogs shows that she's got a firm grasp of the concepts involved (and I fervently hope she isn't bugging any of you good folks - I am so sorry, if so!!)! But no, there are no coincidences in the mind of a monomaniac: she obsessively monitors her page views, and if anyone clicks on any post that seems mildly suspicious (in her mind), she knows for a fact that it is either me, or someone I have tasked to "check up on her." I should note, she made that accusation even before I 'outed' her here! In her clouded mind, I have a network of people working for me all up and down California, in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, even in Canada!
I feel like The Shadow. Except to be The Shadow, you have to be able to laugh.
Anyway, I'm not stupid. I know that me deleting her comments will not work. I mean, she will never run out of coincidences to pin on me! Anything she can interpret as reinforcing this imagined link, she will so interpret it. And no amount of me telling her I'm not interested will get her to realize how pathetic it is and how disturbing it is that she keeps after me. She professes to believe I have never stopped reading her blog, that I've not only been following it closely, I have even been "answering back" to her posts with mine. As proof, she states I posted about birds, and I posted about rain, shortly after she did. I haven't even seen her bird post or her rain post but take a look at my post on birdwatching and see if you can twist it into a romantic message of any kind! Goodness. The rain post was romantic, but it was certainly not for her. I suppose she believes she's stolen it, but one can't steal the rain. It rains, as they say, on the just and the unjust alike. My sweetie knows who it was meant for, because I read it to her aloud and she liked it!
So well, oh well. From now on, my stalker will have to content herself with interacting with her phantom version of me. Since that's all she's been doing for the most part for months, apart from my few ill-advised replies, it ought to pose no hardship. The phantom me sounds like a real riot.
So! Dear readers! I post this update for two reasons! One! In case some of you are ever dealing with the same thing - and lord, I hope it never happens, it's the most frustrating situation I've ever been involved in, low-drama as I try to live - but if you ever find yourself on the receiving end of someone who will not stop coming for you no matter what you say, it is not wrong to ask for help! Do blow the whistle, and do ask for help. But it is wrong to keep replying to the stalker. Don't do it. They love the interaction, even if it is all negative. They love to be abused. They say "it's good to be fighting again!" (a direct quote!)
The second reason is more personal. I want to thank all those of you who responded to my previous cry for help: some in comments, some in e-mails, some in both. Your reassurances and advice have not fallen on deaf ears, and I thank you all so much. I agree with almost everybody's advice to just not contact her at all anymore. Like I said, it was a mistake for me to try that one last time - but I could only have known in hindsight that it was a mistake. I wouldn't have known unless I tried.
Oh well.
If anybody out there is so inclined, by all means please send a little prayer up, care of St. Jude, for all the lost causes.
I already sent mine. One from me is all she gets.
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