How Many People Are There Out There, Perfect For You?

Maybe "perfect for you" will strike some as reaching. Nobody's perfect, there's always going to be work involved in a relationship and anybody who isn't a fucking wuss is up to the task of digging in and working through. RIGHT? So I'll try it this way instead: How many people are there out there, with whom you could fall in love?

A lot of people seem to think this is a question of standards. Of "high standards," primarily. As in: I could only fall in love with a very few or perhaps only one person, because my standards are so high.

Let's examine that idea.

First Question: what are you, some kind of prick?

Some related questions.

How much better that the majority of the population are you? Gauged according to whatever standards you mean, when you claim yours are high. Put yourself in a percentile. Are you better than 98% of the population? 99%? You're still talking something like seventy-to-one-hundred-fifty millions of people who would be "up to snuff," that is, potentially as good or better than you are. Do you consider that "few"?

Or maybe you admit that you're only better than at best, 45-68% of the population, but you feel you deserve someone who is better than you yourself are. If so, return to First Question; answer yes.

It's got nothing to do with standards, high or otherwise. And leave aside all these purely circumstantial concerns - how many people are "taken" versus "available." I'm getting at something deeper here: I don't mean how many people are left out there, who you can still snag! I'm talking about how many people live and exist, with whom you are basically personally compatible. With whom it would be or would have been possible for you to form a beautiful and successful love relationship, just based on your idea of love, and their idea of love, and who they are and who you are.

Still say one? Still say few?

What are the limiting factors in your mind? Shared interests? Sexual chemistry? Just being a good person?

Big tits?

I think who we do actually end up with involves a great deal of circumstance or coincidence. Obviously a person who "could have been perfect" for us could also have been perfect for many, many other people besides. Is it threatening, to admit that? Isn't that what we mean by saying someone is "a catch"? Well, why can't we admit that maybe we too are "a catch"? Why can't we admit that we could also have been perfect for many, many other people besides? But the real catch is: there's not enough of you to go around. Fidelity is more than kind of important. If they hook up with one of those many, many people first, and then you come along, and they ditch their existing commitment for you - well shit, doesn't that void whatever good they might have been for you? That's a bad sign. That's a warning sign innit? It better be.

It would be for me. If it isn't for you, if you're fine with that, please do realize you are explicitly endorsing that behavior. You are telling them: "When you have made your commitment to a relationship, you are free to ditch it if someone new comes along." Phrase it honestly. It isn't someone better; it's someone new.

So what is important, in narrowing your idea down to those however many people might be compatible for you? Might be a good match?

To me, chemistry is hugely important. And a shared idea / understanding of what love is: hugely important. A basic compatibility in personality - the way each of you is, the way each of you communicates, that your basic styles of being aren't GRATINGLY incompatible to each others' sensibilities - that's hugely important. And big tits are hugely important, of course. But some of these more superficial aspects - well, shared interests definitely give you something fun to build on. But the most important shared interest is: you love the person. They interest you. If that's there, then each of you will expand each others' interests in a natual way! - not to a 100% overlap, but who cares? Couples needn't do every little thing together. Ew.

But you people out there who still want to believe that there are only maybe one or a few people out there who could be compatible with you - what the heck do you mean? Don't you think the world is teeming with basically good-hearted people who mostly want to find someone who will be good to them, and love that person? And within that huge population sample, don't you think there would be at least a significant number of people where the chemistry works? Chemistry is hard to predict, and it's true that sometimes, something's just...off. But that's glaringly easy to spot, isn't it? We humans are mostly wired to dig each other, as long as the basic equipment fits with what we basically tend to dig.

Personal compatibility is only a start, of course. From there on in, it depends on the two people involved, the choices they make, and how they choose to react to adversity. But if the compatibility is good, and the will is good, shouldn't there be a very large number of people with whom love could potentially be a good bet?

If you really think there's only one person, or only a few, who you could find love with - well, what is it you think is wrong with most people?

Or what is it that's wrong with you?