Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

More Unsolicited Marketing Advice for Globally Huge Corporations

So, the trend in the major-label megabrewing industry these days seems to be: come out with "boutique" sub-brands, or "serious beer" offerings within their main brand, to target the microbrew enthusiast market.

Speaking as a member of that target market, I have to say, the idea is a no-brainer. But I also have to say, I'm not impressed with what I've seen so far. I'd like to see some better offerings. I'd like to be able to belly up to my local bar and order a pint of Bud Plus, or Miller Extra-Genuine.
Important Disclaimer: this post contains unsolicited advice for globally-huge corporations. None of this should be interpreted as an actual marketing plan from an actual manufacturer. But these are some pretty sweet ideas, if I do say so myself, and I wouldn't be surprised if the very quality itself, or the sharp way in which I present that quality, might not create some sense of behoovement within the concerned organizations.

Bud Plus would be a smash hit. I can't think of a knock against the concept. I've got the label half-designed already. All I need is that little bit of corporate buy-in!

Bud Plus - drink smart! Infused with ginkgo and vinpocetine, plus a few other "Plus"-type ingredients. And it doesn't stop there: Bud Plus would merely be the flagship to launch and inaugurate Anheuser-Busch's brand-new "Brewticeuticals" subline. This would be all it would take to revolutionize the industry. Think of the possibilities, folks! Brewticeuticals! Nutriceuticals you can enjoy ice-cold - nutrients brewed right in, to your healthy 2 or so beers a day! Now you can really drink to your health!

Try a Broodia Hoodia Lite Lager - crisp refreshment, as a dietary suppressant! Or a Co-Brew-10 Stout: high-antioxidant stout ale, supplemented with CoQ10! Drink hearty - for your heart! MycoMiracle IPA - a hop-intensive, flavor-intense IPA with infusions of rare mushroom, arabinoxylan rice bran and miscellaneous micellized aqueous nutrients! The FDA will not let us tell you what this one is for. But let's just say, those of you born late June - early July might give us a hint.

These are some ace ideas I have kicking around! I wouldn't be surprised if certain industry insiders wouldn't garner themselves a pretty sweet promotion for bringing a few of these maverick ideas to the attention of the King of Beers, or some megabrewery of a comparable prestige level.

Oh yeah, Miller Extra-Genuine - I don't need to describe that one do I? Kind of self-explanatory.

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