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(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Anybody Here Put Mayonnaise on a Hot Dog?

It's an important question. It has repercussions. Do you put mayonnaise on a hot dog? Because if you do you're a pervert.

That's right. A pervert. Don't say I never called you a pervert, because I just did. Not a sexual pervert, to be sure. No, you're a non-sexual pervert. Specifically: a culinary pervert.

The mayo dog perversion is not the only thing that will get you on the list. No, there's a whole host of things that if you do them, will make you a culinary pervert in my book, which is the only book that counts. Considering I invented the term, you bet my book is authoritative (anything less than 100 Google hits - phrase "in quotes"! equals = I invented it).

I'll probably go into a little more detail on that later. In the meantime, you know. Watch yourself.


limom said...

Now since you're going around calling people out here, I think we deserve a little clarification:
Do you mean putting mayo on a hotdog + hotdog bun = hotdog or
does perhaps a waffle dog count too? Does a hotdog + pork and beans enter into the equation?
What about dijonaise?
How about desperate times when all you have is just the hotdog(sans bun) and a bottle of mayo?
Perverse as it may be to you, desperate times calls for desperate measures.

limom said...

Oh, and I am not confessing to anything.

dogimo said...

Well, the given the fierce enmity that exists between the people of the Dijon and Mayon regions of France, who would certainly never allow their rival dressings to be considered the same thing, I think we can answer a resounding "no" to your third question, "What about dijonaise?"

As to the others, I was talking about a hot dog. I hope that clarifies.

Anyone who would drop a dollop of mayo in the ol' pork and beans would rise to the level of something well below a culinary pervert - culinary degenerate, at least.

limom said...

Well, I was only asking, uh, for a friend, uh, someone I know.
Actually have seen someone plop a spoonful of the white stuff on some chili and a hotdog. Quite common around these parts.
Mayo, it's just not a condiment anymore.

Eva Gallant said...

I am in total agreement with you on this one! Mayo on a hot dog--it's blasphemy!

Lunarchick said...

Mind you I have never done this myself. However very very late night...or shall we say early morning. Desperate need of sustenance. Weakened state and unable to resist I was given a hotdog with mayo concoction of some sort. I ate it. I am not proud of it. But it was delicious.

The husband says it is a specialty in his native Germany, but with onions. And of course if you are from Holland mayo on the dog and fries is a must. So do we give the Europeans a pass on this one?

dogimo said...

@limom - wow. I'd as soon eat it straight from the jar! Mind you, I don't condemn anyone for their peculiar, disgusting food quirks. I just call them 'pervert' - hardly much of a condemnation in this permissive age.

@Eva - thanks for backing me up there! Blasphemy eh? Perhaps I should have said "culinary heretic" instead!

@Alice - it sounds like you were the innocent victim of someone else's perversion. I never blame the victim, even if it was delicious. Interesting point you make about Europe. I was aware of les Belgiques et ses pommes frites mayonnaise, but hot dogs in Holland and Germany? A stunner!

I always thought of hot dogs as a uniquely, exotically American cuisine. I mean, sure, 'frankfurter' - but I was given to understand they don't do it up like we do.

dogimo said...

Upon reflection, most of Europe would have to get a free pass, insofar as calling a European perverted is pretty much a waste of time. They just look down at you with their snooty noses as if to say, "Ah, les americaines...always the philistines."