That's right. A pervert. Don't say I never called you a pervert, because I just did. Not a sexual pervert, to be sure. No, you're a non-sexual pervert. Specifically: a culinary pervert.
The mayo dog perversion is not the only thing that will get you on the list. No, there's a whole host of things that if you do them, will make you a culinary pervert in my book, which is the only book that counts. Considering I invented the term, you bet my book is authoritative (anything less than 100 Google hits - phrase "in quotes"! equals = I invented it).
I'll probably go into a little more detail on that later. In the meantime, you know. Watch yourself.