My name is Alex Dangerways, but people call me Axel. I run a tiny, top-secret shadow government, nestled within the nooks and corners of the corridors of established power. We run our own checks and balances upon the supposed keepers of secrets. We stand ever-ready to ferret out the secret abusers of power. We keep tabs on those who operate behind the shadows...those who must answer only to no one. But when they refuse to answer - they often find that they will answer to us.
In general, the report is good. People seem to be pretty much doing their jobs. Nobody getting too out of hand. Which is good, because: if they did get out of hand - that's when we have to step in, to apply sanction to the sanctionless. But overall, yeah, we've pretty much got a lot of dedicated public servants, doing the best they can without overstepping bounds, operatives operating responsibly, administrators working hard to foster an environment wherein expectations are known, careful checks are in place, and there are mechanisms to deal internally with those who do overstep.
That doesn't mean we will ever relax our vigilance for a second! Far from it. We will never cease our relentless activity: monitoring, ensuring, protecting. We move our nerve nest of hi-tech taps and sensors from place to place without a trace. Last week, we occupied a walk-in refrigerator in a decommissioned Pentagon commissary. The week before, we operated out of a suprisingly spacious supply closet in Langley. Next week: who knows? Even I can't say. Secrecy is our best defense against those who would use it for evil purposes. And by "it" I do mean: secrecy.
But yeah, as I was saying, we're looking pretty good on that front. Things seem to be pretty seemly overall. Which is good to know!
Which is why we're here.