There's something in the bushes outside my house. Just outside the door. It smells like B.O.!
It's been driving me crazy. It's right in the bushes, I think it is the bushes - some kind of exudation from the branches or needles or something. An essential oil, perhaps - though how "essential" it is for it to oh-so-subtly stink up my front step is open to question! It's not overpowering. Just something barely noticeable that becomes a bit less-barely noticeable if you stand there fumbling with the keys a minute, locking up. And then of course, your mind jumps to the natural conclusion that, despite being fresh-scrubbed, bright-eyed and bushy, despite the fact that (let's be honest) you never stink, let alone stepping fresh from the shower ten minutes ago! But there's that smell. And your mind concludes it's you.
Again, it's really not super-noticeable. It's not like the whole vicinity of the house is all stank up. It's just weird. Plus, it only smells like that in the mornings, as far as I can tell! Must be one of those diurnal deals.
But I tell you, it was driving me crazy. Holy hygiene paranoia! I'd have just finished up a kickass shower and vigorous towel buff, then I throw some clean clothes on my spanking clean body, head out the door to go to work, and - wait! ...whiff...? What the - !
This is the sort of thing where you wonder if it was deliberate. I mean, how can you plant a B.O. bush and not know it? They have lore on these things!
5 comments:
You certainly can't blame it on the mind. That you stink is a reasonable conclusion, probably a good seventy-five, eighty percent of the time, unless of course you have a body odor simulating bush outside of your home.
My worry would be that I'd stop trusting my mind when it told me I stink. One needs to know that the mind can, through the nose, correctly perceive that the body stinks and fix that problem.
Burn those bushes down.
I worked with a dude who had no sense of smell. I'm serious!
Well, he was serious. He said he was serious. He said he had no sense of smell!
I'd hate that.
I was born lucky as far as how I smell goes. I can't take any credit for it, beyond the usual hygiene. But I never really stink. Even my socks smell great! After a big long HIKE!
It's freaky, and let me tell you: some others in my immediate range of siblings were not similarly blessed.
I read today about a plant commonly known as the corpse plant today and I immediately thought of you and your stinky bush situation!
Apparently this diabolical fauna emits the stench of rotting mammal meat to attract bugs.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titan_arum
My excitement was tempered by the fact that it seems to grow on the edge of rainforests and I am going to go out on a limb here and guess you are not living at the doorstep to a rainforest.
Technically, I do! At least, I have heard that the forest, bristling with redwoods and giant pines of some sort, in the arms of whose mountains my happy valley nestles, is a 'temperate rainforest.' When I first got here it was raining tons more - I think through most of these trees' lives it was much wetter.
So I don't know if a drought can revoke one's rainforest cred, but the trees seem to be weathering it okay.
Wow, I clicked the link and that's definitely not the bush outside my door!
Man, I couldn't sleep in the house, with a Triffid skulking on the door-step.
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