Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Friday, December 11, 2009

My Mind, For Science!!

Yes! My mind is for science! My body is for science as well. I am hot all over, for science. IMPLEMENT ME, science! Work your immutable laws upon my willing, physical form. I will submit without plaint, pliant to the pulls of your forces and the reactions that ignite around and within me. SCIENCE!!! In you I have found a master, a mistress, a servant, a SLAVE - I am your Igor and your tyrant alike, your helpless experimental subject as well as the defiant lab-coated madman throwing switches, playing God with an inner glee belied by his cold, sneering exterior.

Science!! Science is what it's all about!

I look at most things from a cold, detached perspective: my stern eye collecting data, my deeply-involved mind sliding the variables *snik!* into place.

There are no mysteries, only puzzles.

Every problem has its solution, and every solution, its precipitate.

I want to take my wet, jiggly brain out of the top of my skull and weigh it. Measure it gently with calipers, clip electrodes to sensitive nodes, run a jolt through the lobes and ganglia and then jam the whole thing back in still steaming, snap and clamp the braincase back shut and pick at, pull away the red, cut-like seams. They come away from my forehead, sticky like glistening rubber, leaving gleaming smooth soft skin and no scars.

I dispose of the weird evidence. No experiment has ever occurred. Perfect.

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