Holy shit! I went and got groceries and forgot to blog about it. Sorry - I got all distracted, is what happened.
But I need to get not distracted - that is, if I'm serious about the process. Because how am I supposed to keep my food buying habits healthy and on the up-and-up, without the public shame factor? I need to get and keep disciplined on this one! So far, I'm seeing very little progress even with all the effort I've put in. I need to keep pushing.
So Here's What Have We Here:
I got fresh vegetables: white onion, green & yellow bell peppers, and (red) tomatoes.
I got tangerine juice and grapefruit juice, 64 ounces of each I believe. Odwalla is the best, next to DIY.
I got "B-DIA SMKH". I have no idea what that is, but it's on the receipt.
I got deli ham and deli swiss, for use in making omelettes and other dainties.
I got an apple pie. It was NATIONAL PIE DAY, alright!!?
I got a rather cryptic item indicated only as "GROCERY" "$3.99"
Hm. Not sure what that was either. Oh yeah! I bet that was those chips that wouldn't price - Kettle Chips Sweet Onion. I stood there like a dork for like, four minutes while the cashier ("Emily," if the receipt is to be believed) kept trying to flirt with me, and people piled up awkwardly behind my ludicrously tiny cart. Finally somebody came by and said to her: "$3.99" - what a relief to get out of there.
But what a hypocrite, as well. "Flirting" indeed! Any time someone accuses me of flirting, I was only being friendly! Ergo, the same applies here. Emily was only being friendly. Trying to make the best of a bad situation. One aisle open, all those shoppers trying to push through, blocking it up like platelets coagulating in a pinprick wound. She's at the front, doing her best - but she can't memorize every damn item in the store! She needs help with that. She even asked me - "do you know how much these were?" Shoot, like I care what chips cost. I just wanted the chips!
Anyway, I don't want to talk about it. See you next time on For Shame: The Spectacle Of The Modern Grocery Dilemma.
EDIT: I also got beer. Widmer's Winter Seasonal, known aptly enough as: "Brrr".
6 comments:
Well this was very enlightening I must say. Is this a good time to tell you what I'm making for dinner? Burritos/enchiladas, filled with egg, onion, cheese, hash browns, spices and topped with melted cheese and tomato sauce? Perhaps you'd like to know what colour my plates are (black).
I'm kidding. It was riveting, honest!
Thanks, V.A. - I knew you were kidding and being honest! It's just the way you is.
Lately I like to mix it up a bit. Maybe throw in a grocery list for the grocery fans, maybe toss out a meditation on the intersection of cumulative lucid metempsychosis with STD awareness, for those whose bag that is. Top it off with a grab bag of absurd boasts, big angry rants or serene meditations on Lord God, and you've got an appealing mix that keeps me guessing as to what's coming next. Let alone the readers! Your forbearance, as always, is appreciated.
Oooh you'll love this: Coming up this week, a post on why Megan Fox is so hot!
Ahem. Kidding. Although...could be funny. Hmmmmmmmm. Somewhere behind the bridge of my nose, a tiny gear wheel is turning!
Your forthcoming dinner sounds pretty fing good, and I LOVE black plates. I hope you'll post a "glamor shot" of the final, artfully-arranged entrees.
I was quite enjoying this, feeling right there along with you in the heady world of multicolored peppers and dainty ham. Right up until that villainess harlot Emiy appeared with her tricky "can't find the price?" ruse---that's the oldest one in the book, Joe! I can't believe you fell for it. I think your readers will all see the obvious facts: the flirting was the whole goal there. The long line let you know just how important you were to her. You have to be aware of these things, because those nametag-wearers can be real predators. You should probably shop elsewhere. Especially if this store is selling B-DIA SMKH. That stuff is just plain dangerous.
(Of course, it could be an abbreviation of Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds.)
Looking forward to skipping your blog any day you write about Megan Fox!
You're right! You're 100% right!
It was Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds. How did you know that? Wow.
I'm going to have to start a regular post feature called "Hey, Does Anybody Know...?" - and have my sharp and uncanny readership give me the goods on whatever I've been wondering about. Between your ace couple of answers and Limon's "Fall Down," holy moley.
The Megan Fox post is scheduled to post the 28th! To tell the truth, though, I'm not even sure I know who that is.
Anybody know who that is?
I will solve the mystery:
I have eaten them. (Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds, not Megan Foxes.) I happen to know you have eaten them as well. I took my keen wordsmith's eye to "SMKH" and first thought vaguely Siberian mishmash words but quickly arrived at "smokehouse," and that coupled with "DIA" (which could really only be diameter, diagonal, DoItA____, or diamond) makes a quick result of the obvious item.
I also do this kind of thing with my own receipts a lot, because I often have to figure out how and why I spent so much money at the grocery store.
As for Megan Fox, mystery also solved: she's this chick who dated someone and then was in that one movie the guy from thirtysomething did about the old Saturday morning cartoon. She has dark hair. Ta da!
Dang it, I was going to say dark hair. I really was! I had typed it out: "Dark hair?"
Now that I'm home, I googled her. And I know I've seen her before, too! But she's got this sort of face, that even right after you google it, it's still kind of hard to picture what she looked like.
But the weird thing about the Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds is, not only do I love those things, but I think I was eating them as I puzzled over what the hell "B-DIA SMKH" was! I swear I thought I'd already had that tin of salted smokehousey goodness "in stock" as it were. I didn't think I got it on that last trip to the store. But the receipt, even if ambiguous, doesn't lie! There's nothing else it could possibly be.
For this post series, I normally take a note on the cryptic items as I unpack the groceries. Saves on confusion later.
Anyway, thanks for clearing that up - Ta-Da! indeed on that one. Very obvious that's what it was.
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