I was in the checkout at the store, and I was trying to think of some way to pressure myself into eating healthier. "I know!" I said. "I'll make use of the exhibitionistic power of blogging to shame myself into buying healthier food! I'll post my grocery purchases right here, on the blog, and the knowledge of that looming disclosure will exert a positive, shame-based pressure to neaten up my food-act a bit!"
I didn't actually say it out loud, but you can believe it anyway, because that's what I'm doing. This first installment of For Shame! The Tale of the Weekly Grocery Receipt will serve as a bit of a control group, since I was already checking out when the idea occurred to me. Therefore it didn't have a chance to alter my already-made grocery choices.
Let's See What Have We Here:
Yogurt. 2 peach, 2 cherry, 1 mixed berry, 1 plain. The plain costs the same as all the others. "But plain's not a flavor," I protested. "Yes it is." She replied firmly but fairly: "Plain is a flavor." She won. She was wearing the apron, she had the visor on, and while sometimes I try to point out an injustice or two, I do NOT "get into it" with authority figures! Their job is tough enough.
dozen eggs. Jumbo, grade A. Usually I get large or extra large, but sometimes I go for jumbo. The word itself is funny, plus they look so funny and big when you crack 'em, I can't help but laugh! I like to laugh at breakfast. Start the day right.
whole milk. What is it, a half gallon? The tall cardboard one, with the missing kids on it. My mom used to get the big plastic gallon milks. No missing kids on there. I figured she must have had enough kids, didn't want us finding more kids. Well too bad mom! Because the tiny cardboard half-pints we got in school, at lunch, also had missing kids on there. I used to spend my whole lunch period looking for missing kids, sometimes. I never found any, but that's hardly my fault.
I FORGOT THE STUPID LOAF OF BREAD!!
Odwalla Tangerine Juice. 2 qts. This stuff is way to heavy for breakfast. NOT to be taken with lunch. TOO TANGERINEY for dinner! It needs to be drunk in great big glasses on its own. Does not play well with food. I'm serious - if you try to change out your usual O.J. for T.J. - T.J. will kick your whole breakfast's ass and you will have a hard time appreciating it. "It" in this case being the breakfast - you will find it impossible NOT to appreciate the Tangerine Juice, indeed to the exclusion of all else! Your breakfast will be miffed at being shoved aside, out of the spotlight. So if you love your breakfast like I do - have a heart. Leave the Tangerine Juice out of the picture. Oh, but this is the GOOD STUFF, though. Wait until you have fully finished and appreciated your breakfast, than slam a tall cold glass of the GOOD STUFF.
Philly Brand cream cheese. The original and best. The rectangular box with the foil-sealed slab inside - none of this newfangled "spreadable" tub-junk.
Beer. A six pack of Boont Amber Ale. Well, since some jackfop had swiped one bottle, it was a five-pack. I slipped a bottle of Boont ESB in the empty slot - same cost, same difference. But now...I'm the jack-fop!
Potato Chips. Kettle Brand, Krinkle Cut style, Buffalo Bleu flavor. I love these. They make me happy for some reason. I get all sentimental about my potato chips.
So there it is. I'll try to do better next time.