Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Plea On Behalf Of My Stalker

This plea goes out, just an attempt to help out someone I can't much stand. This isn't going to make much sense even after I explain it, but here it is:

My stalker is always e-mailing me, upset, claiming that someone out there is looking at her blog.

Yeah, I know - right? What a complaint!

She says it's a pattern of harassment. She says the person or persons access the same exact pages every time, repeatedly, always the same pages, sometimes only for a tiny moment. She's been making this huge deal over this for months. Sometimes, she'll claim I'm the one doing it. Other times, she claims it is other peoples doing it at my behest - that I'm orchestrating it.

At this point I plan and hope never to communicate with her ever again - I've asked her to stop contacting me at all, period, but she keeps it up. In the past I told her a million times it ain't me and it's not on my behalf. But this post isn't to her - it's to you: my faithful readers!

Hi there. Love you guys. And girls!

I'm just putting this out there this way, since I don't know how else to communicate en masse to anyone who might be doing this. But what am I asking for, what am I asking of you?


I want my position to be clear, here: my position is I could care less. This is an absurd complaint, on her part. I'm not endorsing her take on this. It takes a very wrong perspective to claim that page views and blog visits are tantamount to harassment. Page views and blog visits are the goal of every blog. Add that to the fact that your normal average blog owner doesn't obsessively monitor their page views! So if this were a harassment tactic, it would fall very flat in that capacity. Harassing people is a dick move, but most people who try it at least pick a method that people would be likely to notice. I would guess that most folks, like me, would be totally and permanently invulnerable to this sort of "harassment," inasmuch as I have no idea how to go about checking my page views at this level of detail. I assume most people don't. Perhaps I'm wrong about that, and others are all over their page views with a microscope and an abacus. If you are: be warned! You've made yourself terribly vulnerable - someone may attempt to harass you by looking at your blog. Careful as you go, friendly wayfarer.

So again, I'm not asking anyone to do anything. I'm just passing along the message: my stalker wants this harassment to stop. Or she says she does. If it's you doing it, you know who she is and you know who you are. Maybe you didn't realize the effect it has, again - you've done nothing wrong! But if you're the kind of person, like me, who hates to inconvenience or freak anybody out, if you're out there and you just really, really love that handful of her blog pages, maybe just...leave a comment on them! Introduce yourself. I'd hope it would make her day!

But I leave it up to you. Again: you've done nothing wrong - for gosh sakes, looking at someone's blog is not an offensive act.

Wow. This may be the single weirdest post I have ever done.


dogimo said...

If anyone really wants to see the pile of comments that immediately piled up on this post, that thread has been moved here. But I'm warning you, it's unsightly and not entertaining - like overhearing an awkward and sullen argument between the neighbors on the other side of a fence (thanks for that metaphor by the way ol' buddy S.B.!).

So I moved it off to the back. Stupid to have even posted that first comment of hers I know - my fault. It looked like she was actually saying she'd leave me alone - at least, as far as the above b.s. complaint goes - and I wanted to show it to the world!!

Can you say moron? I can. Can you say I'm a moron? I can. I am.

Sarah said...

Wow. That is 8 kinds of crazy.

Also, her blog is about grace?!? Not exactly an expert, is she?

dogimo said...

You know? The crazy thing is, apart from this odd blind spot with me, she seems to have her shit together.

I ended up pulling off the old comments thread, so that link doesn't go anywhere anymore.