Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Long List of Things I Don't Need.

Dog food.
A plan.
Seventeen long, white, infinitesimally-tapering candles. Unlit, never-lit - with the wick still white and waxy.
A pen. Not now this moment.
Drum sticks. About seven of them. Some painted black, some wood colored.
Cigarettes. I don't really smoke them. A pack a year, maybe two. And in any case: Marlboro Lights? Please.
Empty glass bottles and pickle jars. Many of them.
Two copies of Pearl Jam's Vs.
A frozen chicken carcass.
A bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne.
One copy of Pearl Jam's Vs.
Six different harmonicas, all in different keys.
A gold plastic "Mardis Gras" mask, with elastic cord.
A half-finished hand puppet.
A movie stub from last year.
These stacks of photos.
Approximately fifty neckties.
A ridiculously oversized denim jacket.
A tin of "fancy" sardines.
A large box of colored "bendy" straws. Not crazy straws! Bendy straws. Like, 250 of them.
A used-up plane ticket to the same damn place I always fly.
A small, embroidered-silk-covered box containing two tiny, chiming Chinese meditation balls.
Three pepper shakers?

That's a long list of things I don't need.

You know in a lot of ways, a list like this, you learn a lot more from that than from other kinds of lists, maybe.

How about you readers out there? Let's have a list of what you don't need.

8 comments:

jill said...

Once I read that first one, dog food, all I could think about the rest of the way through was what kind of dog I'd get if I had a yard to put her in. Some of those things 'sounded' very useful though. I could use some meditation balls right about now. Really. lol

Mel said...

1) Chris Isaak self–titled CD from 1987. I bought this thinking it had that song on it that goes “So puh-leeeeeeease, return the love you took from me. Oh puh-leeeeeeease, let me know if it can't be me, I know when, somebody's lying, I know when somebody's lying”

It doesn’t.

2) One pale pink bridesmaid dress. Worn once. There might be a few Pimms, West Coast Cooler and grass stains on it despite being dry-cleaned. Would suit someone 5 ft tall who is comfortable wearing pastel colours.

3) Three notepads with “A little note from Melissa” printed at the top. I don’t write notes so have no need for them. Would suit someone called “Melissa”.

limom said...

Send all that stuff to me cause I freakin need EVERYTHING!
I'll figure out where to put it later.

dogimo said...

@jill - how about an Irish Setter!

@Mel - he's got two songs with that "puh-leeeeeeease" chorus! They were both on his greatest hits cd. When I heard the second one, I was like, Wha--?? Puh-leeeeeeease.

@limom - well heck, it's not a list of stuff I don't want! It's things I don't need. Actually, I don't have some of these things on the list, but it works out because I don't need them.

tattytiara said...

Nice to see I'm not the only one hung up on your first item. Perhaps it's not so much that you don't need dog food as it is you need a dog?

JMH said...

Electric razor
Gym membership
Gills

Top hat
Instant coffee
Mascara
Ego
Rumplemintz

Jo. said...

Oh come on Joe, EVERYONE needs a frozen chicken carcass.

dogimo said...

@tattytiara - I don't know if I need a dog, but I bet some sweet dog out there needs me! Or at least, needs a can of dog food.

@JMH - now that's a list! Concise, yet comprehensive in scope.

@Jo. - I don't! That thing was just sitting in there! I finally got rid of it.