I was just thinking, and then it hit me: what if aliens are really fucking stupid?
They'll never get here then! Aw, man! How can they? How can they even? There's no way they can build the proper ships and equipment, if they're that dumb! They probably won't even try.
They'll be so dumb, they'll be content with it. They'll probably be all on their planet going "durrrrrrrrrrr..." - and then they'll laugh at that! They'll be so dumb, that's like a joke to them. In their language: "durrrrrrrr..." - and by the way, it'll mean the exact same thing to them that it does to us. It's not like some big extra real deep significance, it's just that they find the expression itself expresses some kind of deep situational irony, to where all you can do really, is laugh. So they do.
Meanwhile, they will not be able to make the special domes they need, for their domed spacefaring vessels, to withstand the pressures and rigors, the jolts of interstellar jaunts and expeditions. They'll just be stuck there, on their own dumb rock.
Damn. Those dumb aliens. And here we are, all depending on them! To come on over, prove we're not alone and liven things up a bit, universe-wise! But they're so fucking stupid, they're falling down on the job.
It's going to fall to us.
We need to get on the ball here, and just keep doing exactly what we've been doing - technology-wise, I mean. Look, we make so much progress all the time! What are we short of, really? We need some force fields, some matter transporters, better beam weapons of course (honestly), and more importantly, Faster Than Light Travel. Call it FTLT - that's the standard, established acronym. That shows you we're pretty close to a breakthrough on something! Once you have a standard, established acronym for it? That shows you're pretty close. Clearly you've got all the parameters identified, and closing in on the practical aspects.
I say we just keep fitting in those last few missing pieces, then once the whole thing clicks we figure out which star those aliens are on (easy, right? After all the hard science, that's going to be the easy part for sure), point our ships thataway and GO GO GO! PUNCH that worm-hole! Once we come out of blip within a space-mile of their solar system, we can gun the rest of the way in under their radar (or whatever "dumb science" sensory methods they pathetically employ!), and then slip into their atmosphere unnoticed. Kidnap a few of them at a time. Paralyze them with the soft, dizzying light-symbols-rotating-on-the-bedroom-ceiling-array routine, then take 'em on board the ship, and molest them with probes. We'd let them go by the side of the road (or the local equivalent). As the more-advanced species in the situation, that's our moral obligation right? We pretty much have to do that, I believe.
These aliens would be so dumb, by the time they find their way back to town they'd tell all their buddies, and their buddies would be so stupid they'd believe it! Hook line and sinker! What a ridiculous story! I can't believe how stupid these aliens are, and what a letdown it is to me, personally, as a big-time science believer. Aliens dumb? That sucks!
And I mean, I can't even feel bad for the aliens for being so dumb. It's their own fault for being so dumb! They're supposed to be flying over here!
But since they won't, we pretty much have to flip the script. We can do it, too. We're not far off from being able to do it.
They'll never get here then! Aw, man! How can they? How can they even? There's no way they can build the proper ships and equipment, if they're that dumb! They probably won't even try.
They'll be so dumb, they'll be content with it. They'll probably be all on their planet going "durrrrrrrrrrr..." - and then they'll laugh at that! They'll be so dumb, that's like a joke to them. In their language: "durrrrrrrr..." - and by the way, it'll mean the exact same thing to them that it does to us. It's not like some big extra real deep significance, it's just that they find the expression itself expresses some kind of deep situational irony, to where all you can do really, is laugh. So they do.
Meanwhile, they will not be able to make the special domes they need, for their domed spacefaring vessels, to withstand the pressures and rigors, the jolts of interstellar jaunts and expeditions. They'll just be stuck there, on their own dumb rock.
Damn. Those dumb aliens. And here we are, all depending on them! To come on over, prove we're not alone and liven things up a bit, universe-wise! But they're so fucking stupid, they're falling down on the job.
It's going to fall to us.
We need to get on the ball here, and just keep doing exactly what we've been doing - technology-wise, I mean. Look, we make so much progress all the time! What are we short of, really? We need some force fields, some matter transporters, better beam weapons of course (honestly), and more importantly, Faster Than Light Travel. Call it FTLT - that's the standard, established acronym. That shows you we're pretty close to a breakthrough on something! Once you have a standard, established acronym for it? That shows you're pretty close. Clearly you've got all the parameters identified, and closing in on the practical aspects.
I say we just keep fitting in those last few missing pieces, then once the whole thing clicks we figure out which star those aliens are on (easy, right? After all the hard science, that's going to be the easy part for sure), point our ships thataway and GO GO GO! PUNCH that worm-hole! Once we come out of blip within a space-mile of their solar system, we can gun the rest of the way in under their radar (or whatever "dumb science" sensory methods they pathetically employ!), and then slip into their atmosphere unnoticed. Kidnap a few of them at a time. Paralyze them with the soft, dizzying light-symbols-rotating-on-the-bedroom-ceiling-array routine, then take 'em on board the ship, and molest them with probes. We'd let them go by the side of the road (or the local equivalent). As the more-advanced species in the situation, that's our moral obligation right? We pretty much have to do that, I believe.
These aliens would be so dumb, by the time they find their way back to town they'd tell all their buddies, and their buddies would be so stupid they'd believe it! Hook line and sinker! What a ridiculous story! I can't believe how stupid these aliens are, and what a letdown it is to me, personally, as a big-time science believer. Aliens dumb? That sucks!
And I mean, I can't even feel bad for the aliens for being so dumb. It's their own fault for being so dumb! They're supposed to be flying over here!
But since they won't, we pretty much have to flip the script. We can do it, too. We're not far off from being able to do it.
Comments
Wait, though. What if the coating were totally non-stick? Like: frictionless. On a quantum scale - even gluons couldn't stick to it!
Yeah, they'd still need something more than that, though.