Breaking News: Ricky Martin, Gay

Also, he wants to be known as "Rick Martin" now. It's part of his new manlier image.

I don't normally blog about such topical matters, but I for one am excited by this news. For too long, Elton John has held a stranglehold on the Mandatory Awards Show Duet Partner for male Rap, Rock, or R & B stars accused of homophobia.

Now don't get me wrong. Sir Elton is a legend, and it's no offense to him for me to observe this. But sometimes, his heart's just clearly not in it. When he has to get up on stage and sing some song with some of these guys, you can tell his heart's just not into it. He's very dignified and ambassadorial, he does his duty and plays his assigned role, no one can fault him on the job he does - I'm not faulting him! But you can just tell sometimes. The enthusiasm is just not there. He's getting up there because he has to, to take one for the team, just so the other guy can walk away with a clean record and no pink mark against his name. Just so society can feel like the offender has made a public show of contrition, of being on board with the program of tolerance and acceptance.

But it's hard for him! For Elton, I mean. Elton is not a fool. He has to know some of these people are straight-up haters. But society has obligated him to play this role, so he does it. It's socially-important that he does it. It's a penance of sorts, an absolution for bad behavior on the part of these young bucks, and I think it does them some good too. They walk away realizing "Hey, Elton John was pretty cool. I just sang with Elton John. Holy shit, I just sang with Elton John. I'm on a global stage. What I say influences others. Maybe I need to change my attitude a little?"

So it needs being done! The mandatory bad-behavior awards-show gay duet. But Elton can't do them all, ok? And sometimes, to be frank, some of these damn punks don't deserve to get Elton John. We almost run the risk of making it a reward, if all you have to do is spout off about gays, and next thing you know, you're singing at the Grammys with Elton John. That's almost an incentive, at that point, and I say: "No way!" There needs to be a penalty option. If Sir Elton takes a look at his next prospective duet partner, and his feeling is that he'd rather not dignify this particular up-and-coming gayer-hater, then there needs to be someone else to bring in for that duet. To make it sting a little.

So from now on, if Elton doesn't think you're sincere enough - guess what? You have to sing with Ricky Martin.

Sorry. With Rick Martin.