Sharks are a myth. An urban legend. These creatures don't exist. Big gray things? Shaped like torpedos? Great big gaping maws, with rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth? PLEASE. This is real life, not some fairy-tale monsterland. Grow up!
Sharks were invented by the man, to keep us out of the water and in our place: on land. The man knows that if everybody had an ocean, across the U.S.A., and they didn't think there were sharks in it, they'd all be frolicking and splashing around and at one with each other and with nature, and there's no way under those conditions that the man could enforce his ironclad wage-slave hold on the general populace. The man saw the beach, and it was good. The man took one look at it and said: "WHOA. We need to invent some totally spurious menace, that will keep them out of the ocean and under our control, and whatever we invent even though it sounds like some ridiculous monster, the people will believe it because they're stupid and big-time gullible. Because YOU, THE PERSON READING THIS WHO BELIEVES IN THE EXISTENCE OF SHARKS, IS GULLIBLE AND STUPID. BIG-TIME."
That's just what the man said, and damn if you didn't come along to prove it true. Are you proud of yourself? Are you proud of yourself for believing in sharks?
Occasionally a "shark sighting" or even a "shark attack" is trotted out before the credulous public, to shore up the whole gag. As if that could be convincing! One good look at the movie Jaws is enough to show us that the technology is there to fake it (and going back to the pre-technological era doesn't work either! If you want to believe historical accounts of "shark encounters," you might as well go in for DRAGON SIGHTINGS! That sounds real reliable - SARCASM!). And that whole Discovery Channel "Shark Week" - a scam to sell advertising and promote the indiscriminate mongering of fear. They're in on it. Those sharks are totally CGI. Another easy trick, such as might gull a child.
Our problem is, we swallow it up as a child. They tell us "sharks," and we believe it. And then we never, ever grow up enough to question the assumption.
Sharks. Please. Sharks?
PLEASE.
11 comments:
I saw a shark.
It was big.
I was convinced.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
I wouldn't say proud.
I was an agnostic.
Before that revelation.
Or was it an epiphany?
I get the two confused.
By the way, despite living on an island, I'd wager that than half the people here have never encountered a shark that wasn't behind glass.
Known as the "men in the grey suits" or "tax collectors," they are sort of like the IRS: when they come around it only means trouble.
@limom - "revelation" is when you saw the shark. "Epiphany" is when you realized...that thing's fake.
@limom - "men in the grey suits" - now you're talking sense! That's one possibility, the other is the ol' aquatic animatronic.
Hooray for dragon sightings! Not sure why we discount stories just because they're a couple hundred, or a couple thousand, years old?
I've heard that Europeans didn't believe in gorillas, until a carcasse of one was actually brought back to Europe. Can anyone confirm?
It's true, it's true! You're right! It's all lies Joe. Check this out, hot off the press.
Pro surfer Clint Kimmins sorry for fake 'shark attack' post, only wanted to clear waves
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/pro-surfer-clint-kimmins-sorry-for-fake-shark-attack-post-only-wanted-to-clear-waves/story-e6frfku0-1225842759050
AUSTRALIAN professional surfer Clint Kimmins has emerged as the wave-riding equivalent of the boy who cried wolf, after admitting to posting online a report of a shark attack that never happened.
@Jen - I still believe that the strong tradition of dragons in Chinese folklore is down to dinosaurs holding out longer in isolated pockets of mainland China. We all know China is a trove of undiscovered fossils and new dinosaur species, if only they'd let us get in there I bet we'd find evidence that populations of dinosaurs heretofore unknown to science held on long past the Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction boundary! Perhaps even surviving into historical times!
I admit, I have no hypothesis as to how these 'saurs could have made it through the plummeting temps that claimed all their kin on land and in the seas. I do tend to back the theorists who cite a relatively narrow range of temperature in which the dinos eggs could survive, as being the root cause of the big die-out. So how could the chinese dinosaurs have beaten that seemingly unbeatable sucker-punch?
Ancient Chinese Secret, huh?
@Mel - that guy is a willing participant in the big scam job on sharks. With luck, this story could be the spark that blows the lid off the whole coverup!
Well, there's your problem....if you have to grow up, then count me out!
@bettyl - I don't think you have to grow up too much. Just enough to question the assumptions!
Come to think of it, you probably don't have to grow up at all. Kids do that all the time! "Why?" "Why what, son?" Why are clouds blue, daddy?" "Clouds aren't blue, son, they're white!" "But why, daddy?"
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