Man, I wish Mitch Hedberg hadn't died. That guy was funny. Way too soon that guy died.
March 29, 2005. Aged 37. Man.
"Alcoholism is a disease. But it's, like, the only disease you can get yelled at for having. 'Damnit, Otto! You're an alcoholic!' 'Damnit, Otto, you have LUPUS!'"Man, half the stuff he said...it wasn't even the words, it was just the way he said it. He could say "Yeah I know that joke was dumb" and bring down gales of laughter.
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
"My manager saw me drinking before a show, he said 'Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch.' I can't use liquor as a crutch because a crutch helps me walk."
"I walked by a record store and the sign out front said 'we specialize in hard to find records and tapes'...Nothing was alphabetized!"
"Financially I'm set for life, if I'm shot tomorrow."
"My dad used to be into coin collecting which was cool, because I was into video games."
"One time I stole a quarter from my dad that was supposed to be worth twenty bucks, I went to the arcade and I plugged it into the Pac Man machine thinking I'd be there all day. PAC MAN DOES NOT DO APPRAISALS!"
March 29, 2005. Aged 37. Man.
"Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure he did not start to load s--- into a truck."
"You know I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with them later."
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