On Penises

[Ed. I was pleased and proud when j. from kissing frogs asked me to "guest blog" on her blog. She had mentioned that I was one of a small minority of her readers who were male (or words to that effect), and so the topic of my post just sort of suggested itself. I'm posting this here now because it's Tuesday, and I've been posting about 'Blog-Related' things on Tuesdays, and since this is the only 'guest-blog post' I've every done, it seems borderline 'Blog-Related']

Good evening. I've been asked to address you tonight as a guest speaker, a guest blogger if you will, by our esteemed host j. here at kissing frogs. The topic was left open, but there was some mention of the fact that I may be perhaps the first or else, among the first males to appear on this site in a guest-blogger capacity.

I don't mean to imply that this was the reason I was asked. I'm a feminist, so I naturally assumed that no such objectification or depersonalization to my mere sex organs (by "mere" I mean only in comparison to the top 5 percentile[Reference needed]) had occurred. I believe it was more in the line of a fortuitous aside, but I took that coincidence as my cue and ran with it as a natural topic to cover. In view of the pervasive influence exerted by the culture of the penis upon our society, perhaps: the natural topic to cover. Certain issues need to be addressed, and who better than me to do it?

Freud once said a thing or two on the topic of penises. In fact, it was a bit of a preoccupation with him. Naturally I assumed this was some sort of an overcompensation on his part, but disclosures in Jung's recently published "Red Book Diaries" suggest otherwise. I leave it to academia to sort that one out.

One thing is certainly clear: there are many penis myths that need to be dispelled. Perhaps the most widespread is that penises come in all shapes and sizes. In fact, they are almost all rather more oblong than otherwise. Another widespread myth is that an inverse correlation exists between the gross dimensions of a man's penis and the size/speed/showiness of his automobile. I need only note that I myself drive a 1990 Toyota Tercel to send that myth packing. Although that's perhaps a bad example, as I'm constantly smoking mustangs and camaros off the stop line in my bad sweet ride. As with so many things, it's in the way that you use it.

In closing, I'd like to thank j. for this opportunity to be here, and say a few things to you all on a topic that's nearer and dearer to some of us than others. I hope that even those of you to whom penises are not of particular interest, may still have found something worth hearing, in what I have had to say. And perhaps even, something to prompt you into giving the topic a second look!

Thank you for your kind attention.