Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I Can't Stand It! NO WILLPOWER

Every time I'm looking at a sink-full of dirty ol', smelly ol' kitchen dishes, and I tell myself "MAN! I don't want to deal with that before breakfast! I'm just going to do one plate, one each of knife/fork/spoon, the little pan and the spatula. I'll deal with the rest later. AFTER breakfast."

But of course, I have no discipline, no willpower. I fall down on honoring the promises I make to myself. Once that hot, soapy water starts to flow and churn, I'm in there with the sponge and the rubber gloves and I just...I lose all control. It starts small: "Oh, I'm washing forks and knives and stuff anyway, might as well wash all the silverware." But pretty soon I'm washing dishes I have no possible immediate use for. Dishes I have no idea how they got dirty, dishes I didn't even know I had.

I swear, I think those dishes breed in the sink. I have more small plates than I used to.

When I finally tear myself away from the sink, when I can finally step back - not because I've truly regained control, but because there are no more dishes to do - what a pathetic sight I must be at that moment. As it dawns on me once again, that I simply cannot control my own actions - that my will is not enough. I need help, but who can help?

Who can help you not do the dishes?

Ragged breath, face red and hot with shame, blinking back tears, mind returns and I see what I've done...good Lord.

There's nothing else for it but to throw in the towel. There's nothing I can do. I'll make some breakfast. Dirty up some more dishes.

The cycle begins anew.


limom said...

I used to really dig paper plates.
Then I got all eco and whatnot.
Paper and plastic rock.

dogimo said...

You've adopted a sort of haiku-like prose style lately, limom! It's pretty restful and zen.

Yeah, I try to use regular tableware in the house and restrict paper to the outdoors. Except for pizza! There's just something satisfying about eating pizza off paper plates.

Lunarchick said...

Oh they definitely multiply in there. I have irrefutable scientific proof and such. It's a top-secret asexual reproduction process..very hush hush.

But I've been sworn to secrecy and have said way too much already. So you're just gonna have to trust me on this one and know it's not all your fault.

dogimo said...

I think it's because that's where dishes come from. They want to hush it up to preserve the monopoly - they don't want people to start breeding their own!

Mel said...

I like the thought of you figuratively throwing in the towel while you literally wipe dry the dishes.

dogimo said...

No, I literally threw in the towel. Those dishes had to dry themselves - on the rack!

chickensconsigliere said...

You know, I've got a sink full of dishes you could wash. It'll cost ya, dishes to wash don't come free, but we can work somethin' out.

dogimo said...

I actually HATE to wash the dishes.

It's just...once I get started...